In this article you’ll discover 7 rules that I use in my texting with my fiance in order to make sure that I avoid neediness and I keep my woman attracted.
Even though these 7 rules are pretty common sense, unfortunately most guys are NOT aware of their existence.
But if you are aware of these rules and you stick to them in your text communication, then you’ll be amazed at how much more enjoyable and attractive your text communication will become.
Rule #1 – Rule of reciprocity
If a man does not follow the rule of reciprocity, then he might easily fall into the neediness trap. And in my experience, neediness is on of the biggest killers of attraction in a relationship, especially if it comes from a man.
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In a long distance relationship guys can easily fall in the neediness trap by suffocating their girlfriends with a lot of text messages. And not following the rule of reciprocity.
Here’s how to use the rule of reciprocity in your texting:
If you are the one that sends her more texts than she sends you, then make sure to either cut down from the number of texts that you send her daily and/or encourage her to send you more texts.
Tell her that you love receiving texts from her; it makes your day, so encourage her to text you more often.
Ask her to send you a text any time she thinks more intensely of you, or anytime she does something interesting, or any times she sees a yellow car etc.
Yes, that could be a little text game you could be playing…Any time one of you sees on the street a yellow car, he/she should send a text messages to the other partner. (you could also be creative about this game and make your own rules)
Sometimes let her be the one to send you the first text that day, especially if you were the one to send her the last text the day before.
Rule # 2 – Send and forget!
It happens very often that we send them a text message and then we keep checking our phone every 5 minutes for the next 3 hours, even though there’s no sound that says “you’ve got a message”. We still check our phone to see if “maybe” you didn’t hear the sound, or “maybe” the phone is broken, or “maybe” she sent you a text while you were in the toilet, etc.
Now, that’s not only very stressful for you, but also very needy. It took me a good while to figure out a solution to this problem, a lot of fights with my past girlfriend and even a “break up” because of this particular reason. (she didn’t answer my text until 10 hours later). So, believe it or not, I know the ins and outs of this problem.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about the situation where your girlfriend always texts you back a few hours later, because if she does so, then it means that she doesn’t really care about getting back to you, so she’s not very attracted.
I am talking right now about the special situations where you know that your girl loves you a lot, but for some specific reasons like: she didn’t hear her phone, or maybe she was too busy at the time, or her phone was dead, she forgot her phone at home, she didn’t have credit etc.; sometimes she texts you back in a few hours. And that’s when you start freaking out.
I have tried many ways to solve this issue, but the best one that has been working form me for the past 2 years already, is the following:
1) Write the text.
2) Send it.
3) Forget about it.
My point here is that you don’t write texts in order to get back a reply. You write a text because you want to tell her something, and THAT’S IT. You don’t care if she’ll answer you back or not, it’s her problem.
So you send the text and actually forget about the fact that you’ve sent her a text.
Also, when writing the text, try not to ask questions. Make your text more like an affirmation rather than a question.
However if you notice that she’s texting a lot less lately, and her texts are not as meaninful as they used to be. You can just feel that something is off, and she’s not showing as much interest anymore… then most probably that’s because losing attraction. And you may want to find a few ways to re-kindle that desire in her.
She used to text you a lot more before, right? That’s because she was very attracted at the beginning. Now however because her attraction is fading, the effort she puts into texting is fading too.
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Rule #3 – The Tennis Rule
Don’t send her too many texts, especially if she’s not answering.
Texting for me is a way of keeping in touch during the day. It usually never passed 4-5 hours without one of us sending a text, a picture, or even calling each other.
So texting is a great way to stay on the top of her mind, but you have to avoid sending her too many texts and looking needy.
So you want to write her once, and then letting her text you back before you write her some more.
Same applies on with pictures and smiley faces, gifs or other things.
This way you throw the ball in her field and wait for her to throw the ball back. And of course you use the “Send and Forget” rule to avoid freaking out. 😉
Rule #4 – Use diversity.
What I mean by “using diversity”, is that you want to be sending her different types of texts, instead of the same old “love texts” that you’ve been sending her for the past 2 months.
In my article“7 Types Of Texts To Send Her” I present what options do you have and give you a bunch of examples for each type of text messages.
Also try to be a bit more spontaneous about texting by sending her texts at different times of the day, instead of a text around the same time every day.
Rule #5 – Tease her.
Oh, I love teasing. It’s just an amazing way to keep attraction on fire, and it also works great in texting communication. So teasing is using a playful vibe in your texts. It could be making her a compliment and then taking it away, like “You’re a very smart girl…Sometimes!”, or it could be something like “Really? You miss me, baby?… I understand you so well, I’d miss myself too if I were you.”
So you want to include some teasing in your texts from time to time in order to create attraction. I explain in a much more detailed way what Teasing is, why it’s so attractive and how to use it in your relationship, in my “How To Keep Attraction On Fire” article.
Rule #6 – The 15 Minutes Rule
Don’t be too eager to answer her texts back…answer her texts a few minutes later. It could be after 10 – 15 – 30 minutes, and even a few hours later sometimes.
Of course you don’t want to make a habit out of this, but doing that 50% of times will make you more attractive to her. And there are two reasons for that:
1) Now she’ll be the one to be waiting for your texts, thus very excited about receiving them.
2) You won’t look needy.
Rule #7 – Never have text fights!
Texts are a very impersonal way of communication, and can be very easily misinterpreted. If you’re having a tense communication while texting each other then better postpone the communication until you’ll be able to talk on the phone, or even better on Skype.
Research says that fifty-five percent of other people’s reactions to us are based on our facial expression, 38% based on our tone of voice, and only 7% of their reaction are from the words we are actually saying.
Therefore, communication is more than words and fighting trough text messages would actually mean 93% of guessing and only 7% of understanding of what’s really being said. Not only that but, text fighting last so much longer than a normal fight.
Instead of having a 5-10 minutes fight and then cooling off, you’d text fight for a few hours in a row, thus prolonging those negative emotions for longer time than necessary.
It’s a bad choice from any perspective, especially because you’ll have your fight “saved” on your phone. And things that are said in anger, are not the best things to be re-read again later on, because we all just say stupid things in anger.
So my advice – never have a text fight. if it happens to start one – postpone it until you can talk on the phone. But if you still have a text fight, then delete the texts right away.
So, the 7 rules of texting in a long distance relationship are the following:
1) Reciprocity Rule – Don’t send her more texts than she sends you.
2) Send and Forget Rule – Don’t send a text with the expectation of getting a reply.
3) The Tennis Rule – Don’t text her again, until she sent you a text back.
4) Diversity Rule – Send her different types of texts.
5) The Teasing Rule – Make sure to tease her from time to time.
6) The 15 Minutes Rule – Don’t be too eager to text her back.
7) No Fighting Trough Texts Rule – Postpone fights/arguments until you can talk on the phone or Skype.
Now, I don’t want to be too Dogmatic here. Of course all these rules have their exceptions, and given the circumstances you could send her 5 texts in a row, or your could have a text fight or you could be waiting for a quick reply from her.
My goal here is to give you 7 rules of thumb that you should keep in mind when texting your girl, in order to have a more effective text communication, avoid being needy and keeping your girlfriend attracted.
But how you use these rules will depend only on the circumstances and on your own judgement.
All the best, Besski Livius
P.S. There’s one more RULE for you: Keep reading my articles and get yourself inspired with new ideas for a better long distance relationship. 🙂 And if seriously, don’t miss the Texting Magnet – one text to send her when she’s acting cold, to get her instantly attracted again: Get the Texting Magnet Here