Long Distance Relationships and Clubbing are not a good match! And I’m about to discuss below: Why women love clubbing, Why is it not beneficial for a long distance relationship and MOST IMPORTANTLY… How to deal with this issue once for all.
Why She Goes Out Clubbing?
Attention is food for women’s egos. Women love attention and they constantly make sure to look at their best specifically for this reason.
Beginning with putting make up on, dressing in a unique and/or sexy way, having a stylish hairstyle, wearing all kinds of unique accessories and ending with a tasteful perfume on, they do everything in their power to receive attention from the people around them, especially from men.
- You could argue that women make sure too look great “just to feel good about themselves” and that would be true as well, because when they know that they look great, their confidence goes to the roof.
- You could also say that they dress up for other women, because they want to look better than all the other women around, but in the end it all comes down to being the center of attention and attracting the best men as a result.
So, when it all comes down to “Attention”, what a better way to get a lot of romantic attention than going out clubbing and being hit on by a bunch of guys? Receiving tons of compliments, being asked for their numbers, invited to dance, being bought drinks and so on. All of these being equivalents attention.
So, in my opinion, women go to clubs primarily for attention! And what’s interesting is that women tend to relate the notion of attention to the notion of having fun. So the more attention a woman has gotten the more fun she feels she’s had. Of course, it’s not about the attention of drunken guys that try to hit on her constantly annoying her to death, but the attention from the people that matter to her (her friends, some guys that she likes).
Now, besides “attention” there are a few other reasons why girls hit the clubs on a regular basis. So, let’s discuss them one by one below…
- Sex. Clubbing is an easy way to get easy sex. One night stands are becoming more and more popular nowadays, and it’s very common in clubs to find girls that are “available” for that one night. And there’s nothing wrong with that, I don’t have any problem with women going out and satisfying their sexual needs, as long it’s not my girlfriend that’s doing that.
- Dancing. I hear this reason a lot. “I go clubbing because I love to dance!” …Really? Is it clubbing the best environment to enjoy your passion for dancing? I personally don’t think so. Still, I don’t deny the fact that some girls go out just because they love to dance. But if you think about it, the kind of dancing that happens in a club has one end goal – getting attention.
- Drinking. What is clubbing without drinking? Can you drink at home? Of course you can, but going out and drinking is much more fun, isn’t it?
- Being social. Yeah, yeah….girls go out to meet people, to socialize! Is there any worse way of meeting people than clubbing? All that loud music, the alcohol and the dim light – Just the perfect ambiance for making friends and having nice conversations.
- Looking for a boyfriend. Pretty bad choice too, yet It can work out fine sometimes.
- Relaxing. Well, going out to relax and forget about the hard week that has just ended is another common reason why girls go out. And it could be a legitimate reason too, however given the other factors like alcohol, drugs and horny guys…I tend to believe that there are other ways of relaxing. But that’s just me.
- What else to do? I know many girls that go out just because everybody else goes out, and there’s nothing else to do for fun, other than hitting the club. And I have to agree with them, clubbing is one of the few options girls have in terms of fun stuff to do, when the weekend comes.
- Hanging out with friends. What a nice way of bonding with friends. (no pun intended!)
Overall, these eight reasons fall into two big categories: having fun and seeking attention.
So, basically these are the two big reasons why clubs still exist and women frequent them regularly.
But no matter why your girlfriend likes to go clubbing, you are still not happy about it… you feel insecure, worried and jealous. Knowing that your beloved girl is out somewhere partying hardcore, will unavoidably make you feel worried and restless.
And you have all the rights in the world to do so, because in the end, your girlfriend going out clubbing on a regular basis, when you’re not around is not beneficial at all to a long distance relationship.
Why Is Clubbing Harmful?
- Drinking, smoking and losing control.
That’s the perfect recipe of a girl becoming slutty. A few drinks on board and some cigarettes, and let’s have fun and make out with all the drunken guys around!
If that would be your girlfriend would you happy about it? Is that beneficial for a long distance relationship?…. NOT at all!
- Being hit on by lots of guys.
If she’s good looking, guys will keep hitting on her! That’s just common sense.
Beginning with her social circle friends, the guys around the club, the security guys, the barman etc.; all of them are horny beings that want a piece of fresh meat.
And the more she finds herself in the position of getting attention from men; the more she accepts dancing with guys, accepts drinks etc. the more it creates the right circumstances that lead to more than just “having fun in the club” and to being unfaithful.
I call this “Circumstantiality” which means that being in the club is the first step in creating the right circumstances for “unwanted actions” to happen.
- Being influenced by the “clubbing culture” of being slutty.
You see, whether she wants it or not, but being surrounded by a few hundred other people that keep drinking, dancing and making out all over the place, will influence her views regarding this type of behavior.
When going out clubbing becomes a part of her lifestyle, a girl will unavoidably accept such behavior as something normal.
- Her friends influencing her.
Besides that, the friends that she goes out with are also “party girls”, and we all know that friends influence to a high degree a person’s behavior. When she sees her friends getting drunk and being slutty, and doing that most of times when they go out, then she starts to see that as something acceptable ….like “everybody is doing it I should do it too!”
- The risk of taking drugs.
Let’s be frank here, clubs and drugs go hand in hand. Where there is party, loud music, alcohol and horny people there’s drugs not far away. Depending on the girls character she might be tempted to take drugs or not. But the fact that she’s in the position of taking such a decision is already a negative thing.
- The danger of being hit on by older and more aggressive men.
And then there’s the danger of being the target of older more aggressive men that go to clubs to recruit some young fresh girls for their various needs. These are the drug dealers, gangsters, criminals, sociopaths and so on, men that don’t take No for an answer.
What To Do About It?
Even good, innocent women go clubbing from time to time. It’s become a part of our modern society to have fun in the weekends by going out clubbing. That’s how young people have fun nowadays and we can’t really change that.
In a long distance relationship, as much as we’d love to, we can’t stop our girlfriends from going out to clubs; we can’t interdict them to do so. They are young, energetic and wanting to have a good time.
Now they are young and now it’s the time to experience this stuff, so you can’t just say “Stay home, and don’t ever go out.”
What you can do though, is to handle this issue in the right manner. I am going to share with you below my 5 Step Method of how to deal with this issue, in order to make sure that clubbing does not become a problem in my long distance relationship.
1) Expressing you disapproval. First of all, you want to let her know about your opinion in regards to party girls. Telling her why these girls are not the type of girl you want to have as a girlfriend, especially in a long distance relationship, when you can’t be there close to her.
Also letting her know about the reasons why you don’t prefer such girls and how clubbing can influence a girl’s personality and behavior.
2) Making an agreement. Making some type of mutual agreement that she’ll go out less frequently. This could be once a week, or once every two weeks. I think that’s pretty fair. But, you’ve got to decide what “fair” means for you and for your girlfriend.
3) Setting some limitations. When she goes out clubbing, agreeing about some limitations is one of the best things that you can do. And it basically means agreeing with her on what she can do and what she should NOT do.
From my experience, the limitations would be the following:
- Not wearing excessively sexy outfits (ridiculously short dresses/skirts, deep cleavage)
- Telling guys that she has a boyfriend.
- Being cold with guys that express romantic interest in her.
- Not accepting favors from other guys in the form of drinks, drives home etc.
- Avoiding talking about some sensitive subjects like: sex, being adventurous, them doing stuff together and so on.
- Not touching guys. And here I mean the kind of flirtatious touching.
- Not allowing guys to touch her. (touching her waist, putting their hand over her shoulder, holding her hands etc.)
- No sexy dancing.
- Not giving her number away.
- Not moving around the club when a guy ask her to (let’s go have a cigarette, let’s sit down on this couch, let’s go get a drink etc.) because by doing that she expresses interest in the guy, and thus encourages him to keep hitting on her.
- No kissing! (of course)
Now, these limitations might seem like a lot. But in reality most of them are just common sense, and girls that are serious about their relationships naturally follow them. However I find it more reliving having talked about it with my girlfriend and having agreed on these limitations before hand.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that this is too much…because it really isn’t! If you feel like she’s not naturally following these limitations then YOU MUST talk to her about them. It’s okay to agree on such limitations and it’s okay for your girlfriend to follow them. This doesn’t mean cutting her freedom or depriving her from something vital – these are just some common sense boundaries that have to be set in a long distance relationship.
The worst thing you can do is to be ignorant about these issues and then wake up one day with a text message from her saying: “Sorry, but I can’t bear all this distance and we have to break up.” And the real reason for that being that she’s been cheating on you for the last few months but couldn’t find the courage to end the relationship.
4) Not worrying. This means that you want to avoid being needy and over-controlling. Knowing that your girlfriend is clubbing that night would most probably make you feel a little nervous and even jealous. And experiencing these emotions would make you become needy and you’d start calling and texting her just to make sure she’s fain. And that it’s a pretty bad mistake because it shows her that you’re very insecure.
Get yourself busy, go to sleep, go party yourself. As long as you did the first three suggestions right, you have nothing to worry about, and if something happens you can’t really control it anyways. It’s her decisions and her responsibility from there on.
5) Being transparent about it. This means asking her to tell you how was it that night, and NOT tolerating lying. It is very important that she’s sincere about it and does not start hiding stuff and telling you what you want to hear. Her lying to you, it’s even worse than let’s say “doing something wrong in the club”.
I find that having a nice conversation the next day, and her telling me about how was it last night, with a decent amount of details, to be very helpful in trusting her more and being okay with her going out.
So in my experience, following this 5 step method is the only mature thing that you can do in order to deal with the issue of clubbing successfully.
Clubbing is not evil. And just like anything else in the world it could have positive and negative consequences, depending on HOW and HOW OFTEN it happens.
But overall, there’s too much temptation when clubbing, and the bigger the temptation and the more often a girl is exposed to it, the more likely it is that she’ll be influenced by the clubbing culture of drinking, smoking, taking drugs and being slutty.
The main problem that I have with clubbing is that it creates the right circumstances for sinfulness and wrongdoing, for lavishness and infidelity. And depending on the character and personality of a girl, she may or may not be influenced by this culture. However, the more often the exposure to it the higher the probability of her becoming a “bad girl”, the opposite of a long distance “girlfriend material”.
Now, you can’t interdict her to go out clubbing, but you can encourage her to reasonable about it.
In the end we all have to make some sacrifices when it comes to maintaining a happy relationship, especially when it’s long distance. And going less often clubs and parties, as well as following the limitations that you agreed about, are some of those sacrifices that a girlfriend should make in a long distance relationship.
What do you think?