Does your girlfriend get very jealous, often and for insignificant things? Do you find yourself arguing sometimes because she’s annoying you with her constant jealousy?
Is she making you feel guilty sometimes for going out with your friends? Is she insecure about losing you?
If you said yes to at least one of these questions, then you should probably consider dealing with her jealousy in a more effective way, other than they way you’ve been dealing with it until now.
The problem is, jealousy is a very sensitive emotion in a relationship. It can regenerate and sustain a couple, or it can destroy it to ashes if not handled in a healthy manner.
In this article I’m going to talk about how to fix her jealousy, so that you avoid all the stress, frustrations and arguments that both of you usually go through, because you’re not dealing with her jealousy the right way.
So let’s get our hands dirty…and start fixing!
I asked my girlfriend out of curiosity, what can a man do stop his girlfriend from being too jealous, and her answer surprised me, she said “Doesn’t really matter what you do. We’re jealous anyways, if we love you.”
Now, even though that’s true, as long as she loves you, she’ll constantly be jealous, there are still ways to approach jealousy in a more mature way, and reduce its negative impact in a relationship, thus avoid stressing out over insignificant things, and arguing at the first sign of suspicion.
How To Fix Her Jealousy?
1. Express your love for her. First of all, jealousy is a sign of love, or better said a sign of insecurity about love. If you make your princess feel loved trough your sweet words and romantic actions, then chances are that she’ll be more secure about your love, thus less jealous.
2. Don’t give her reasons to be jealous. Be sincere with her. Never lie about where you’re going. Avoid all possible reasons that could get her jealous.
Reasons like not calling her all day, ignoring her too much, not having time for her, being too busy, going out very often, chatting with people on Facebook while talking to her on Skype, texting with someone while talking to her Skype, etc.
Think of it this way: Before doing something that my get her jealous ask yourself “If she were here with me right now, would I do that, or not?” And if the answer is no, then don’t do it.
Take care of your Facebook activity as well. Witty comments to other girls’ profiles may get her extremely jealous.
So, simply avoid all possible situations that could lead to jealousy. And don’t do it for her, but do it for YOU and for YOUR relationship. Otherwise jealousy, will 90 % of the times turn into a fight.
Doubts, frustration and suspicions will unavoidably lead to fights and arguments. And you’d better avoid fighting too often.
Experts say that a normal ration of fighting and peaceful moments in a relationship should be 1 : 5. One fight for five great moments spent together. But if you make it 1 : 10, I promise you that you’ll have a much more joyful relationship.
3. Embrace her jealousy. Jealousy means that she loves you. She values you and she’s afraid to lose you. Enjoy it. Plus, as you’ve already seen. No matter what you do, there will always be some degree of jealousy, so you better get used to it and do what I’ll teach you later on in this article.
4. Encourage her to express jealousy. Sounds weird right? We are talking here about getting her less jealous, and I’m suggesting that you encourage her to express jealousy.
Well, that’s exactly what you should do; encourage her to let it out, instead of keeping it inside and letting in boil. Unexpressed jealousy will usually lead to doubts, stress and suspicion; emotions which are easily avoided if jealousy is expressed and quickly clarified.
5. Don’t get angry about it. I know it’s annoying, I know it gets your nerves all worked up, especially if she’s constantly jealous, and especially for unfounded or insignificant reasons.
But trust me, getting angry about it, only makes it worse. I know it’s hard to control your anger, but it’s even harder to deal with a half an hour argument (if not longer) about it. So, it’s not worth it.
6. Laugh about it. Instead of getting angry, simply laugh about it, tease her, and don’t take it too seriously.
Because if you don’t take it too seriously, it means for her that she has nothing to worry about. But if you get all angry and worked up, besides the fact that you end up fighting, you may also plant some more doubts in her mind.
So, if you forget all the other suggestions from this article, at least keep this one in mind – laugh about it, tease her, and don’t take it too seriously.
7. Don’t try to over-explain yourself. There are cases when things are not that simple and we feel the need to over explain ourselves, and try to convince them that she has nothing to worry about, or nothing happened etc. Well, I beg you to resist this tendency.
Give her the information as good as you can, but DON’T try to convince her of your innocence. Sometimes it’s even better to give up early, and make feel guilty for not believing you.
8. Comfort her with love. And lastly, remind her how much you love here. Behind any jealousy, there is the need to be comforted.
Now, that we are clear on how to approach the issue of jealousy in an effective manner, let’s take a look at some ground rules that you can agree upon with your significant other to diminish the negative effects of jealousy.
1. Not jumping straight to assumptions.
Have a serious talk with your partner about jealousy, in a calm and collected way. Talk to each other about any worry that both of you might have regarding jealousy.
And then end that talk by making an agreement that you’ll simply trust each other, and avoid jumping onto assumptions before you have all the facts.
It’s really easy to make assumptions when you have a suspicion. It’s easy because our brain doesn’t like to live in uncertainty.
And as long as we have one little proof that something might be wrong we need to make an assumption as quick as possible. And of course if there is some suspicion, the assumption will be 99% of the times negative.
As a result we’ll be stressed out and frustrated until we clear things up and let them go. That’s why I highly encourage you to make an agreement with your girlfriend to never jump onto assumptions before talking to you and hearing what you have to say.
And now we get to the next rule…
2. Expressing jealousy in a MATURE way.
This is was a huge one for me. Yes, it’s pretty obvious that we should express our jealousy in a calm way, but when we are in the midst of the moment, and the blood speeds up, we can’t help but get angry about it.
When I not just understood this idea, but actually implemented in my behavior and also agreed with my girlfriend to do the same. Jealousy issues were never the same.
If we would’ve fought at any little suspicion before, then now, it’s never more than a simple and sometimes fun conversation.
3. Not manipulating trough jealousy.
It’s very common and also very easy for a girl to manipulate us by showing a little jealousy in some strategic moments. Moments like when we’re going out with some friends, we go clubbing, we go to a party etc.
And even though it’s natural to be a little jealous when you partner is going out and having fun without you, it’s not acceptable to try to make you feel guilty for going out, and thus convince you to stay home and talk to her on Skype all night.
I don’t know about you, but it happened to me more than a few times, until I decided to have a talk about it and set some boundaries.
I don’t like to be manipulated like that, so I explained her that I’m not gonna tolerate such behavior from now on.
I told her that I loved her very much, and that she’s the only woman in my heart, but I also have a life, and have friends, and I need to have some fun, of course without cheating on her, but simply having fun.
And from then on, she’s never tried to make me feel guilty for going out. Which was a great improvement.
That’s all I had to say about fixing your girlfriend’s jealousy. In conclusion, I can only say that jealousy is natural, it’s even necessary, and as long as you agree on some rules, and you know how to approach it when it happens, you’re gonna be just fine.
A short recap:
The How To Part: Express your love. Don’t give her reasons to be jealous. Embrace jealousy. Encourage her to express her jealousy. Don’t get angry about it. Don’t try to over explain yourself, unless it’s something serious. Laugh about it. Comfort her with love.
What rules? Not jumping straight to assumptions. Expressing jealousy in a calm way. Not manipulating trough jealousy.
The usual advice that you’ll find on the internet about how to fix her jealousy, would be to simply TRUST each other. But you already know this, and it doesn’t really help.
A long distance relationship it’s hard even with trust. That’s why I hope this article will be of great use to you, because now you have a set of practical ways to approach this issue when it comes up.
Best of luck,