If you’re still wondering whether long distance relationships can work or not, or how on earth would you make such a relationship work, bellow you’ll find 6 long distance lovers who actually made it through the distance and are now sharing their hard won wisdom with other long distance lovers.
These are passionate people dedicated to helping others have better long distance relationships, and the pieces of wisdom they share below are key to making a long distance relationship work. So let’s dive in.
According to Lisa McKay they key to making a long distance relationship work is:
"Keeping that other person as a cherished priority in your mind – frequently reminding yourself of all the reasons you were drawn to your partner in the first place, and all the things you love and respect most about them.“
She adds that: “Doing this will help you make talking to them a priority, and communicating frequently, and well, is the mainstay of any long distance relationship that’s worth being in. Rehearsing all the good reasons you have chosen to be in this relationship will also help you hang in there when everything feels lonely and grim."
Stephen Blake makes the following valuable confession in his Loving Your Long Distance Relationship book:
“I’ll be straight with you. I hate going through the emotional stages of a long-distance relationship. I also realize that I can’t do anything about it in the immediate future. So if I still want to be in my relationship—and I do—I am going to have to persevere.
I will do and say things I know are wrong. I will feel emotions I do not like, but what’s the alternative? To anyone who is committed to a long-distance relationship, do not give up hope. If it’s any comfort, know that people like you everywhere are going through the same thing and loving/hating every minute of it.”
Jamie has a few short and insightful suggestions for us:
“For me, the KEY FACTOR for long distance relationships to survive is HONESTY, which means - loyalty, no secrets and no lies.”
“Another suggestion is that communications is a must! No matter how busy you are, never let the day pass by without telling your partner those words – I love you. Too many temptations there are to face when you are in a long distance relationship, so the more you say to him/her how much they mean to you – that’s what will make them think not to cheat.”
“Distance is just a word, for two people who really love one another. For its their heart is what always binds them together, whenever and wherever they are.”
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I love what Michelle writes in her Making Your Long Distance Relationship Work ebook:
“Try to think of something you can do everyday to show your partner that you care. This can be as little as saying “I love you.” Or, “I love talking to you.” Or even, “You make me happy.” Those little things will make them feel great and it will give them reassurance.
Other things you can do… send a handwritten letter, email a picture of yourself to them, send a small gift, take an interest in their interests. For example, maybe you saw an article online that you think they would enjoy reading. Send it to them! Having constant reassurance that you care about them and think about them all the time will mean a lot. Not only they will benefit, but you will too, and your relationship will benefit from it tremendously. This is something so simple to do. It’s actually so simple that once a couple feels comfortable and settled in their relationship they tend to forget how important it is to do these little things for their partner.”
A great and common piece of advice that I found on this inspiring blog is that “communication is key”.
And because I couldn’t reach the admin of the blog, here’s my own take on it:
What does that mean that communication is key? It means that whenever something is bothering you about your partner and you don’t know how to deal with it, and the last thing that you’d like to do is to talk to you partner about it because you’re too afraid or uncomfortable – guess what the solution actually is – to talk about it with your partner.
And that’s because communication really is key, and when it comes to YOUR relationship, it’s you guys who have to talk things through and find solutions to your problems.
Would you want your partner to talk to you when he/she has a problem that is related to your relationship? I bet you would! And so should you.
I also love the way Michelle from Loving From A Distance put’s it in her Making Your Long Distance Relationship Work eBook: “If you are in a committed relationship with someone, you should be able to talk about anything and everything. Nothing is off limits!”
Visit this blog at: http://longdistance-love.tumblr.com/
I loved this great paragraph Tazz and Marsha posted on their cute blog:
“What is possible in a long distance love and what is not:
* We can't go to cinema hand to hand, but of course We can enjoy a good movie together at home in the same time, I'm here and he is in there. 🙂
* We can't go to a restaurant in a special day, but of course We always enjoy a good dinner with each other!
* We could not go to Shakira's show yet, but We always listen to her songs and We sing together ♪♫
* We could not go to some special places We want yet, but of course We plan it, and We already have a list of places to visit =)
* We can't go to the mall $hopping together when We want, but when We go with our families or friends - We are always taking pictures of what we want to buy and after We send them to each other, and he is asking my opinion about it and I'm also doing the same :p
* We can't go together to the meetings and parties of our friends or families, but We are always taking pictures and after sending them to each other along with all the details... and in all these moments We really feel close :)”
Visit their blog at: http://tazzandmarsha.blogspot.dk/
And lastly, here’s my own little tip for you.
My number one tip would be to learn how to keep attraction alive, because when partners are attracted to each other, everything else just falls into place (just like it does so at the beginning of a romantic relationship, when partners are motivated to conquer each other). But because after a while attraction fades away, all the other problems start to come out. And by “ATTRACTION” I don’t mean physical attraction, but emotional attraction – which consist of playfully challenging our partners, and keeping them on their toes.
You can challenge your partner by playfully teasing them during your conversations, by making them curious from time to time, by ending Skype/phone talks first sometimes (not always), by avoiding promises of eternal love, etc.
There’s a lot to talk about here, but simply put we want to satisfy out partners 80% of the time by being very caring and loving with them, and challenge them 20% of the time by playing a little hard to get and playfully pushing them away. This way giving them enough love to be happy, but also keeping them a little hungry too.
And that’s how you keep love alive, be it in a long distance relationship or not. Because like Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi states in his excellent book “Flow”: humans need challenge, we need it in our jobs and we need it in our love lives. Lack of challenge leads to boredom and being taken for granted.
For a better understanding of this principle, make sure to read this article:
The Elixir of Love - Discovered!
So can long distance relationship work? Of course they can, and these inspiring veterans teach you exactly how to do it:
1. Keep that other person as a cherished priority in your mind.
2. Rehearse all the good reasons you have chosen to be in this relationship.
3. Don't give up hope and know that others are loving/hating every minute of it too!
4. Be honest with each other: loyalty, no secrets and no lies!
5. Think of something you can do everyday to show your partner that you care.
6. Talk to your partner about anything and everything. Nothing is off limits!
7. Find ways to involve yourselves in each other's lives and you'll feel close!
9. Playfully challenge your partner, keeping them on their toes.
So go ahead and visit these inspiring lover's blogs, and get even more great inspiration and advice to make your LDR work like a charm!
With respect and dedication,