Note: This article is an excerpt from the “3 Deadly Mistakes Men Must Avoid In Long Distance Relationships” and it’s about 1 out of the 3 mistakes that we tend to make in our long distance relationships and end up sabotaging its success.
Being Too Predictable
What is Predictability?
When I first hear the word predictability, the first thing that comes to mind is that old style watch that makes the “ding-dong” sound every 60 minutes. (Did you just picture the watch?…Good!)
So, predictability is nothing else but doing the same actions, saying the same words, talking about the same subjects, sending the same style text messages and overall, being the same good old you – over and over…and over again, just like that old style watch that “ding-dongs” every 60 minutes.
When being in a long distance relationship, getting stuck in the “predictability trap” is very easy. It actually comes naturally to for us humans to create routines and follow them all the time, because it’s easier for us, it’s comforting, and it doesn’t require too much effort.
Why is it a deadly mistake?
The problem with predictability in a relationship is that – it’s predictable! And if it’s predictable then there’s a big probability that it’s boring, and if it’s boring – then IT’S NOT FUN!
Now, long distance relationships are by definition “boring relationships”. All you can do is to “communicate”; no touching, no kissing, no cuddling, no (real)sex…all you can do is communicate.
And if your “communication” it’s also predictable, then boy, you’re doomed to die in pain….Just kidding. 😉
But if seriously, if your communication with your partner is very predictable, following a specific set of routines like: talking on Skype every evening at around 9 o’clock for around 2 hours, and sending a text message of “good morning” every morning at around 11; then you’re not far from that “ding-dinging” clock that you pictured before.
A long distance relationships needs fun and excitement to stay alive (well besides many other things that are outside the scope of this book) and you need to make sure that the fun and excitement does not miss.
If you want your girlfriend to be excited about talking to you over and over again for hours in a row, and never think about dating other guys; you need to give her good, positive emotions so that she has something to look forward to.
You see, if you know anything about attracting women, then you must know that predictability is one of the biggest killers of attraction.
Imagine that you were a girl and you were dating this great but very predictable guy.
You’d follow the same routines every day, and when you’d try to imagine how your relationship is going to look like in 2 weeks, or in 2 months, or in 2 years;… what you see is the same “what did you do today” conversations, at the same time, the same text messages etc. Now or in 2 months, it’s all the same…
Now let me ask this: “When you know that; are you excited about this relationship?”
I’d like to think that you’re answer was NO; otherwise it means that you’re in trouble.
Now, you’re still a girl, and you have a long distance relationship with this very cool, creative and a bit crazy guy. He’s got a spirit of adventure and he’s fun to be around, because you never know what’s coming next.
Now, when you try to imagine you relationship two months ahead, you realize that you don’t really know what to expect. The only thing you know is that you want to be at his side, and find out what’s gonna happen.
So, women are these creatures that are always looking for a bigger portion of fun. As one friend of mine used to say “women are seduced by shiny things”, they look for someone who is going to rescue them from their usually boring lives.
And if you are not that guy who can bring a smile on their face by doing something crazy with no reason, just out of the blue;
Or if you are not someone who can get them surprised over and over again;
And if you’re not that guy that makes them think…”hmmm, soo, what’s next?”…Then I can assure you that your long distance relationship won’t last long enough for you to get to the point where you move in together.
How to avoid predictability?
Being fun, creative and unpredictable is not that complicated either, it’s just a matter of being in the moment and looking for ways to do things that you normally do in a slightly different way.
What I want you to do right now is to take 2 minutes and think about your long distance relationship.
Think about all the stuff that you do in the same way – every single day.
For example it could be that: you talk at the same time every day, or you send her a text message every day around the same time, or you start your conversations on Skype or phone with the same line “hey baby, what are you doing?”, or you talk about the same subjects over and over again etc.
You might also consider making a list with all these routines that you’re following every day. The great thing about writing things down is that they become more real and are not just some random thoughts in your head that come and go.
So, you have them in from of you, and you’re ready for the next step, which is to start a little brainstorming about what can you change, what can you do differently, what you can include, what can you exclude etc.
Don’t take this too seriously, it has to be fun, and don’t worry if you can’t come up with a lot of new ideas.
The point here is to get your mind thinking about new ways of doing the usual things.
I hope you already did this simple, yet powerful exercise. If not, then do it right now:
1) Take 2 minutes (not more) to think about your LDR daily routines.
2) Make a little list with all the routines that you identified.
3) Take another 15 minutes to brainstorm a bit about what you could do differently…and write those ideas down!
Simple, isn’t it? So do it right now!
….Aaand, we’re back!
Next time when you’re about to call your girlfriend, write her a text or have a Skype talk etc.…go back to your list and get yourself inspired.
A few personal examples of being unpredictable
Now, because you’ve already done the exercise, and because I am proud of you for doing that; I am gonna give you below a list of some of my ideas that I came up with, a long time ago when I realized that things need to be spiced up a little.
So, you want to:
- Send her text messages at different hours of the day (not every day at around noun, or every morning when you wake up)
- Write different types of texts: love texts, funny texts, updates about your activities, sexy texts, etc. Here are 7 types of text messages to send her, in order to avoid predictability and keep her attracted.
- Call her in the middle of the night and tell her to go wash her teeth, wash her face or even better – to go pie.
- Take your laptop or Smartphone and have a Skype conversation in a cool place other than your usual room.
- Vary your clothes, groom yourself and dress nicely… (Read: avoid always appearing in your pajamas and with your unclean hair in front of the camera when you talk to her on Skype.)
- Talk about other subjects that the ones you normally do. Get some inspiration here.
- Write her an email, rather than a text message, and then send her a text to check her email.
- Start a conversation on Skype with you being naked in front of the camera. (I gave you this example just to show you how crazy you can be)
- Have DATES. Me and my girlfriend we have online dates: Monday – Movie night, Friday – We cook something and eat together.
The idea here is to add some more variety in your relationship. Otherwise, the 11 o’clock love message, the 7 o clock Skype conversation, and the good night text message…and just like that for a few months – will get your girl bored to death.
It does not mean she won’t love you anymore, I am sure she will. However she might think about finding “the fun” in someplace other than her relationship with you.
And that “someplace other” could be in a relationship with another, more unpredictable guy.
Next time when you’re about to go on with one of your LDR routines, remember the old style “ding-dinging” watch, and ask yourself “Do I want to be like that watch or do I want to be a more creative and fun person?” Good luck!
BUT, that’s not the only mistake you may be making, there 2 other very harmful mistakes that I’d love you to be aware of and learn to avoid, and I talk about them in my free eBook CLICK ON THE COVER FOR MORE INFO ON THE BOOK.
Or get it right now for free directly on your email:
With Love & Respect,