Those 1-2 or even 3-4 hour daily Skype talks or phone conversations can become really predictable after a while, or even worse start getting shorter and shorter by every passing week, OR EVEN WORSE start turning into 1-2 hour fights and arguments, instead of fun and enjoyable conversations.
So, how do we stop this vicious cycle?
The truth is that there is no magic pill for it, but with a little effort and creativity we could be still having fun and exciting things to talk about even after 3 years of 2-3 hour daily Skype talks.
So, it’s possible, and I’m about to share with you some of my secrets of how I do it.
This one technique when used correctly can help you have endless conversations not just with your long distance girlfriend, but with virtually anyone.
What relating means is paying careful attention to the conversation and based on the content of the conversation – jumping to other RELATED topics.
For example your partner says: “Oh, I can’t wait for this new movie “X” to come on cinemas. I think I have watched the trailer for like 10 times already. The music is so nice and the actors are just really cool!”
So, the common and most boring follow up to her statement might be “Ok, I guess the movie should be nice.”
However if you were to RELATE what she said to something else, you could talk about so many related topics like: how cool it is to watch movies at the cinemas; when was the last time you went to the cinema; what movies genres does she like most; showing her some other trailers of some cool movies that you can’t wait to watch; what famous actors are playing in that movie that she told you about; what actors do you both like in general…and so on.
Every word underlined in the text above could make for a new topic you could jump to.
It could be an endless stream of conversation. And every new statement she makes can bring up a lot of other conversational topics.
As I said this technique could help you have endless conversations, and it’s something that we all use naturally when we talk to people, without even realizing it.
However when you do use it consciously, you can actually take control over the length of any conversation you have, simply by finding jump off points in other people’s statements and contributing with your own statements, stories, or questions related to what was said.
This is a technique that is very simple to use, and very helpful to keep the ball rolling. What dissecting means is listening to what she has to say, for example what she did today, and then dissecting each activity that she did today and asking clarifying questions about it.
For examples she says: I have read a book today, I have listened to some cool music, did some exercising and ate some delicious salad.
Then you can take each one separately, and start asking questions about it, for example “What book did you read? or Tell me something interesting that you read in that book!” and so on, until you exhaust the topic about reading, and then moving on to music, and then to exercising and then to the salad and so on…dissecting each activity.
Of course you’d want to do it smoothly and naturally, by simply being curious and wanting to know more details.
During the day many things happen, even if it may not seem like, but when you go through the day with an eye for new things to tell your girlfriend, you’ll start noticing some interesting things, stories, funny stories and so on, that would make for great conversational topics when you girlfriends asks you “What have you done today?”.
I recommend that before calling her on Skype or on the phone, to simply put down on a piece of paper in front of you a few things you want to tell her, or talk about.
This way I promise you, you’ll never worry about what to say next, and sometimes (as it often happens to me) you’ll never even get to talk about those things that you wrote on the paper, because you’ll have so many other spontaneous topics to talk about.
But the actual writing down, and knowing that you do have a few things prepared, gives you a great relief, and helps you focus on being present (instead of thinking about what to say next), listening to what she has to say and then leading the conversations naturally.
A relationship in my view is a team game, and our conversations are part of the game too. Therefore keeping the conversation going and making it interesting is the responsibility of both partners.
If you find yourself being the only one trying to come up with new things to talk about, then it means that she’s not playing the game, and your job as a team player is to encourage her to play as well.
When I feel like my girlfriend is not contributing to the conversation, I always tell her “Baby, this conversation is missing a player.”
Sometimes though, she’s not contributing because there is something that’s bothering her, be it something about the relationship or something about her life, and then I encourage her to talk about it.
No matter why she is not contributing, it’s not healthy for the relationship to be the only one talking and investing, and therefore you must encourage her to talk as well.
Sometimes, if I see that she’s not in the mood for talking I might even suggest to end the conversation, because there’s no point in me being the only one talking, and suggesting to continue it when her talking mood gets better, and interestingly enough she instantly becomes more talkative.
Be more profound in your conversations, instead of just talking about the superficial topics.
The way to be more profound is by asking questions like “Why did you do that? Why do you like this? How it makes you feel?”
To give you an example, if she’s telling you about what she ate for breakfast, let’s say she ate musli with water (yes, we talk about that too) then you can ask her “Why musli?” or “Why with water and not with milk?” this way digging deeper than just the surface.
As a result you might end up talking about eating healthy, and you might discover new things about her.
This is an amazing skill that needs to be developed over time.
What you have to do is to come up with interesting hypothetical questions based on the conversation that is currently happening.
For example you’re talking about her walking the dog, and you could come up with a hypothetical question like:
“Can you imagine what would it be to have the life of a dog? I mean, sitting all day playing, eating and being loved by your owners, sounds to me like a little piece of heaven.” or “If you could chose to be an animal, what animal would you prefer to be?” and so on.
Creating is all about playfully using your creativity during your conversations and coming up with interesting, sometimes maybe even childish hypothetical questions…Creating it’s not about being smart, it’s about being fun and entertaining.
And lastly if you’ve tried the techniques above and you still tend to run out of things to say (because you haven’t really used the techniques above correctly), here are two more ideas that might help you out.
When your life starts following the same routine every single day, no wonder that you are running out of things to talk about. That’s why I suggest that try to spice up and vary your own life, this way you’ll have new stories to tell and new topics to discuss.
Do something new that can give you new things to talk about. It could be watching a movie together and talking about it, reading the news, reading a new book and talking about it, going to a trip somewhere, practicing a new sport, going out and meeting new people…etc.
Anything, but getting out of your daily routine, first of all to have a more interesting lifestyle, and second of all to have new things to talk about.
And lastly, the simplest yet sometimes most effective way to prevent running out of things to say is to take little break from each other.
Take some time off of each other and let some new conversational topics pile up. Every new thing you’re doing in those hours or days while you’re not talking can be a great subject to talk about.
This is it. Now you have no excuses to complain about running out of things to say.
But if you still want some more ideas, check out my latest book “What Else Do I Say?” where I share with you 50 creative ideas to make your Skype conversations fun and exciting, and a few more articles:
Some techniques might repeat themselves, but don’t be shy and read them again, repeated information becomes learned information, and I bet that you might end up using only those few techniques that get repeated in these articles.