What you’ll find in this article is a subjective view on the issue of women manipulating men, but a view that is sustained by years of experience, observation and in-depth analysis of the last two.
That’s why you’re going to discover:
- Why women manipulate men.
- Real life examples of manipulation & Non-manipulative alternatives of getting the same result.
- The difference between manipulation, persuasion and motivation.
- How to recognize manipulation.
- And 3 simple ways to deal with manipulation like a real man.
What Is Manipulation?
The dictionary defines manipulation as:
Using a person’s psychological vulnerabilities with the objective of influencing his/her behavior, while putting the interests of the manipulator first, often at the expense of the other.
In other words, getting another person to do what you want by using unethical methods and often neglecting his/her interests in the process.
Women are notorious for manipulating men. Being the “weaker sex” in a male driven society, women find themselves obligated to use other ways of achieving their goals other than their authority and physical strength.
Therefore, when it comes to relationships, women have developed a “sixth sense” of recognizing men’s needs and intentions and then using men’s intentions towards achieving their personal objectives. Sometimes these objectives are financial, other times are personal and other times just ego driven and attention seeking objectives.
The point being made here is that women use manipulation very frequently and not being able to spot it when it happens, means accepting it as something normal, and thus allowing them to continue manipulating us.
I am not saying here that men don’t manipulate women, because we certainly do. People in general manipulate each other at some point or another to get their egoistic goals fulfilled, but in this article we’re talking specifically about women manipulating men in the context of a relationship.
I personally hate being manipulated by women, and I started hating this a few years ago when I found myself being “lead” by a girl that I loved. At that time, it wasn’t me who was taking my decisions anymore; it was her making me feel like I was making the right choices.
And when I finally realized that, a great desire has ignited in me to “figure women out”. From there on I’ve started my journey of educating myself in the field of seduction, relationships, psychology and personal development.
The results have been amazing and I ended up falling in love with the topic of romantic relationships between men and women.
But, back to the issue of manipulation.
Men Are The Head And Women Are The Neck
You may know the saying:
“Men are the head and women are the neck. And where the neck turns the head follows”.
Well, that’s the classic old way of describing the manipulation that goes on in a relationship. Meaning that women trick men into thinking that they are the ones in charge, while actually being manipulated behind the curtains.
There is also a popular saying among women that says:
“A great woman is one that makes her man think that he’s the one taking the decisions.”
And truth to be said, I have nothing against women that are being diplomatic enough to ‘help’ men take good decisions. But I do mind women manipulating men in an egoistic manner.
Examples Of Manipulation And Alternatives
Let me give you a few examples of women manipulating men and some non-manipulative alternatives to each example:
- Blaming you for not loving them enough and encouraging you to show them love in more “materialistic” ways.
Non-manipulative alternative: Being direct with their needs and desires. And letting it up to us to decide if we want to fulfill them or not, instead of making us feel guilty.
- Telling you about how her girl-friend is being treated like a queen, being brought flowers often, bought gifts and taken out to restaurants by her boyfriend. Thus indirectly suggesting you that she’d like to be treated the same way, and you’re not doing it.
N-m alternative: Letting your know authentically that she’d love to be ‘spoiled’ a little bit, or taking the initiative to do it herself and inspire you to do the same.
- Refusing to have sex with you when you don’t give them what they want, or because she’s too upset about something you did.
N-m alternative: Instead of saying “I don’t wanna have sex with you right now because you upset me too much” she could say “I am too upset right now, let me calm down a little and we’ll have sex later”. The difference between these two is retaliation or in other words – she’s punishing you in the first scenario.
- Using sex as an incentive for gifts, or as a means of trade. Ex: “I will have sex with you now if you make me a massage afterwards.”
N-m alternative: Sex should not be used for trade, because it is a pleasure for both of you. So, she should trade something else for that massage.
- Making you chose between her and something else important in your life. (giving up your values)
N-m alternative: Making you chose would mean WIN for her and LOSE for you, and that’s not a mature way of acting. Instead she could consider your needs as well and find a Win-Win soluation.
- Using the “If you love me, you’ll do this…if you don’t do it, then it means that you don’t love me enough.”
N-m alternative: That’s classic manipulation and can be avoided by thinking win-win, instead of the egoistical win-lose.
- Threatening to leave you if you don’t do what she wants.
N-m alternative: Motivating you to do something by showing what you have to gain if you do what she wants.
- Suggesting gifts that you should buy her, by talking a lot about “that superb purse she saw recently”.
N-m alternative: Being sincere with her needs and desires, and understanding your financial situation in case it’s not very optimistic.
- Refusing to talk to you when you did something wrong that has upset her. Ex: “I am not talking to you because you did xyz!”
N-m alternative: Saying “give me some time to calm down, and then we’ll talk”.
- Lying to you.
N-m alternative: Sincerity
- Being too dramatic about things and waiting for you to comfort them. Ex: Crying often for insignificant things.
N-m alternative: Being sincere in her need of being comforted.
- Blaming you for not being able to protect her, thus making you put your security in danger fighting other men. Ex: “Whaat? You’re not gonna do anything about it?”
N-m alternative: Not putting your security in danger if there’s no need, and the situation can be ignored or solved peacefully.
- When having a fight, hanging up on you, and then waiting for you to call her back.
N-m alternative: She could take a deep breath (count from 1 to 5) to calm down, and then continue the conversation.
So, women consciously or unconsciously use these actions in a relationship. They punish us, they make us feel guilty, they threaten us, they get overly dramatic, they validate us, they make us jealous, they play with our egos and so on.
Now, don’t get me wrong, not all of these examples are malefic, some of them are okay, others are even needed, and some of them are pure manipulation.
What I want you to do is to be able to recognize manipulation when it happens and depending on your comfort levels to let your partner know what you don’t accept.
How To Recognize Manipulation
In order to be able to recognize manipulation when it happens, you need to be able to make a distinction between Manipulation, Persuasion and Motivation, because they are often misunderstood and/or seen as one and the same thing.
Manipulation: I Win, You Lose.
Ex: You work too much and I feel so neglected! You have to choose between me or your job!
Persuasion: I Win, You Win.
Ex: You love your career and you also love me, right? Well, let’s see how you can balance both of them.
Motivation: You Win and Possibly I Win Too
Ex: “If you come home earlier tonight, I’ll have a surprise for you!” or “You’re a hardworking guy, but you have to relax a little baby. You need to take a holiday and come home to visit me.”
All three scenarios have the same goal – to get the guy more attentive to his wife. But the approach in each case is different.
So, the way to recognize manipulation is by differentiating persuasion and motivation of manipulation, thus realizing if she’s using your vulnerabilities, like your desires, needs or fears to make you do something that’s only in her interest and usually neglecting your interests in the process.
From my experience the best way to deal with women’s manipulation is to:
1) Set boundaries.
How? By letting her know what you accept and what you don’t accept from your partner in a relationship.
When? At the beginning of a relationship, or if not, then when manipulation happens.
- At the beginning of a relationship – through a game, for example “Baby, let’s play a little game. Let’s take each a piece of paper and write down 10 things that we love when our partner does for/to us and 10 things that we don’t accept in a relationship. And then we’ll discuss them.”
- When manipulation happens – you can stop her right there and then and let her know in a calm and collected way that you don’t accept such behavior.
2) Encouraging sincerity
It’s very important to realize that women use manipulation as a means to an end, and if you set your boundaries, thus forbid your girlfriend to use manipulation, then you also have to give her a better way to meet her needs – and that is sincerity.
So, you want to encourage sincerity in your relationship and transparent communication. Not holding things back, and giving superficial reasons for your actions. You want to be truthful in your intentions and also authentic and congruent with your personal values.
3) Encouraging a Win-Win attitude.
And lastly, in my view the antidote for manipulation is encouraging a Win-Win attitude in your relationship. As long as there are no egoistic needs tried to be met using unorthodox manners, but instead there is sincerity and common interest, there is no room for manipulation.
And I’ll leave you with this summing up quote:
Women manipulate us, until we teach them not to.