Here’s the reality: excessive jealousy is poison for a relationship. It can really turn to ashes an otherwise perfect relationship.
I’ve seen hundreds of women say:
“I love him so much, he’s the man of my dreams and I’d never cheat on him, but he’s just so jealous, I simply can’t take it anymore!”
However the funny and also confusing thing about jealousy is that the guy, for example, tends to accuse his girlfriend of making him jealous, while his girlfriend tends to accuse him of being too crazy and insecure about himself.
So the question is – Whose fault it is?
And my answer would be – both and nobody’s.
I believe that there are 2 sources of jealousy:
1. Our partner’s behavior, and
2. Our own fears and insecurities.
My philosophy on jealousy is that our partner’s behavior is the main trigger for jealousy, while our fears and insecurities are what usually amplify and constantly revive the emotion of jealousy.
And the good news is that no matter what the source of jealousy is, it can be controlled and expressed in a healthy and non aggressive way when we understand the mechanism behind it.
Therefore, from my perspective we can approach the idea of overcoming jealousy from three key angles.
3 Keys to Overcoming Jealousy
1. First of all, creating a foundation in your relationship for jealousy to be less frequent, which I’ll call “working on your partner”.
This step includes, among other things, getting on the same page with your partner that jealousy is a natural instinct that all humans have, and that she has a certain role to play as well in how much jealous you are. Therefore, for both of you to have a happy relationship it’s important that she avoids as much as possible giving you reasons to be jealous.
2. Second of all, dealing with your own fears and insecurities, which I’ll call “working on yourself”.
Here, you want to become more self-confident through the help of the right exercises; then you want to stop comparing yourself to other men; you also want to understand human nature and the fact that your girlfriend needs to socialize with other people (yes, even with men), and that she’ll also like other guys too because we humans like and appreciate beauty in all of its forms – but this doesn’t mean that we don’t appreciate the person we have a relationship with.
3. And third of all, learning how to control the aggressive impulse of jealousy and how to express jealousy in a mature and healthy way when we feel it, which I’ll call “working on jealousy” itself.
The truth is that no matter how much we’ll work on our partner and on ourselves, there will still be times, fewer and less intense, though, when we’ll feel jealous – because it’s part of being human. And in those moments it’s important to know how to let go of jealousy. A good rule of thumb that I could give you is the following:
Question your jealousy first, before you question your partner!
When you approach the issue of overcoming jealousy from these 3 KEY angles you’ll take the green eyed jealousy monster by it’s tale and kick it out of your love life for good!
Want to Learn More?
In the Long Distance Loyalty course I have dedicated an entire lesson to this issue, where I take each of these 3 steps one by one and show you:
- how to get your partner to be compassionate and exited about HELPING you overcome jealousy, instead of judging you, making your more jealous or even worse leaving your for being too controlling.
- a few simple but not obvious truths that when you learn you won’t get jealous very often and very easily. It will be as if you become IMUNE to jealousy.
- and how to master your jealousy almost overnight, so that in those times when you still feel it, you know exactly how to let it go by following a few simple steps and asking yourself one quick question?!
Learn more about the Long Distance Loyalty Course here.