What most people forget is that a healthy relationship is based on CHOICE not NEED. You don’t need to be with your partner, you chose to be with them.
If you NEED them, it means you’re not complete, you lack something, so you’re needy about their presence in your life. There’s a hint of desperation there. So it’s about your need, your lack and your desperation.
If you CHOSE them, that’s because they are a good fit for you. It’s no longer about your need, but about them being a great partner. You’re NOT coming from a place of LACK, but from a place of COMPLETENESS, and you chose to ADD some more joy to your life by choosing to have a relationship with them.
The problem with feeling like you NEED this relationship and this person is that you end up giving up your right to be happy in your relationship, just to keep the relationship alive.
It’s almost funny, how at the beginning, you come into the relationship because you want to be happier. And then once you become attached to your partner, and think you need them, that’s when you sacrifice your happiness, just to not lose her.
So you come for the happiness, and stay out of neediness, while sacrificing the thing you came for in the first place: your happiness in the relationship.
If however, you approach the relationship from a place of CHOICE, you don’t forget why you chose this person in the first place – to have a more joyful life. And if at some point your partner is NOT treating you the way you want to be treated, you have the right to feel disappointed with their behavior and REMIND them that they need to step up their behavior.
Now you are free to stay or to leave the relationship. And if your partner consistently neglects your needs, then you’re ready to let her go, because you don’t NEED her, you chose to be with her… but only as long as it makes sense, only as long as the relationship makes you happy.
If she makes you more STRESSED, then it doesn’t make ANY SENSE to remain in this relationship.
Another thing we often FORGET when we begin a relationship is that… it’s JUST A RELATIONSHIP. This is not something meant to last forever, this is not the only person that you can be with, this is not something you must STICK with no matter what.
Not at all. This is just a relationship, that you chose to be in, as long as it makes you happy, and if it doesn’t, then it doesn’t make ANY SENSE to stay in this relationship.
And it’s time to MOVE ON, and eventually find a BETTER relationship. One that will make you happier.
I have just a few spots left for consultations these days, so if you feel like you need my help with your relationship, book a consultation here.
Your happiness matters to me,
John, Music Teacher says “Although I wasn’t sure what to expect, Livius helped me realize how much power I have in my relationship. He was very open and honest, and changed my perspective. I would recommend this to others, because his advice was very insightful!“
Denis, Film Director says “I was hesitant about paying for a consultation, but this session increased my peace of mind and helped me realize that neediness is actually ‘not asking for what I want’ when I thought that it would be needy to ask for what I want. Very important shift that helped me relax and not worry so much about how I am coming off to her.“