Why You Shouldn’t Just Be Yourself!?

should I just be myself

The most common relationship advice that people love giving (due to a lack of a better thing to say) is to “just be yourself” and you’ll find a girl who loves you the way you are.

Or if in a relationship, you just have to be yourself and rely on the fact that “love” will take care of everything.

That’s a very misleading advice however. Unless you are actually an interesting, funny and confident guy, being yourself will only lower your chances of having successful relationships with women.

If you are not an attractive guy for women to be around, being yourself won’t help, what will help though is upgrading yourself to your best version. But that’s also just the first piece of the puzzle.

For consistent success in our love life, or in our case for our long distance relationships to work out perfectly we need more than just being our best selves, we need to know how love and relationships work, we need to educate ourselves on the subject of love and relationships, and not just classic relationships, but long distance relationships.

And the third piece of the puzzle is adapting your best self based on the understanding of how love and relationships work, so that you sustain love and attraction in your relationship for as long as you want.

Therefore, as you can see being yourself, is just too simple of an advice, and there is much more to maintaining a happy relationship (be it long distance or not) than just being your usual self.

Let’s takes these 3 pieces of the puzzle individually.

1.  Upgrade Yourself.

Improving yourself in order to become your best self. Which means learning how to be a better conversationalist, how to make her laugh, how to be more confident, how to dress well and so on. This way you are still being yourself, but an upgraded version with more knowledge and better skills, thus you become your best self, which is far more attractive to your girlfriend.

I’m not saying that you should change who you are, or completely change your personality, what I am suggesting is upgrading your version of yourself, evolving and becoming the best you can be.

We humans are very interesting beings. We are always attracted to the best (best cars, best phones, best partners, best jobs etc.) and not just that, but we also get very bored of the old same old (even if that is the best). If you use your Iphone 5 for a few months, you start to get bored if it at some point, because you became too familiar with it.

Now, when you have an attitude of evolution, and constant improvement of yourself (your skills, your lifestyle, you personality) – you are upgrading yourself, so you’re always striving to be the best you can be, and you’re never the old same old.

So, don’t just be yourself – be your best self!

How? Here’s how: Read books, Learn new skills, Workout, Eat healthy, Strengthen your confidence, Dress nicely, Groom, Develop good habits, Do interesting stuff in your life etc.

2.  Learn The Rules.

Getting an understanding of how love and relationships work. Just like we humans have the same physical needs (to eat, drink, sleep, have sex etc.) the same way we have very similar emotional needs. And when it comes to love and relationships our emotional needs are very predictable.

And understanding these emotional needs related to love, and how we can meet them, what should we do and what we should avoid, can help us have more control over our love lives, instead of just leaving them to luck and fate and getting our hearts broken over and over again.

Here’s your first resource: The Elixir Of Love – Discovered!

3.  Play The Game Right.

Adapting your best self based on the understanding of how love and relationships work. Now, this is where you take you upgraded version of yourself, and with the relationship rules in mind you play the game of love.

The biggest mistake that we humans make is that we tend to leave our love lives to fate and luck, we tend to go with the wind and never take control of our love lives.

And as a result we suffer a lot, we get our hearts broken over and over again, we go from divorce to divorce and from bad relationships to bad relationships, when actually our love lives are one of the main determinants of our happiness in life.

 If we want to enjoy marvelous romantic relationships we have to first of all become great partners, second of all, understand how love works, and third of all play the game by the rules of love.

To give you an example:

Everybody loves football, but not everybody is a successful football player. A successful football player is only one that:should I just be myself

1. Trains a lot. (runs, learns to lead the ball well, learns to hit the ball right etc.)

2. Learns the rules of the game. (touching only with the feet, keeping the ball on the field etc.)

3. Uses his football skills that he developed while training to play the game by the rules he learned.

So, without the training a man cannot become a great player, and without knowing the rules he wouldn’t be able to play the game right.

Yet, when it comes to relationships, most of us wish to have successful relationships but we never “train” nor “learn the rules” of the game of love. We go around guided by this simplistic idea of being ourselves, and the only thing we succeed is to get our hearts broken sooner or later.

If a football player would just be himself, then he’d never train, nor he’d learn the rules of the game, and as a result he’d just be a mediocre amateur.


Therefore to conclude on this post, I believe that in order to have happy and successful relationships (be it long distance or not), any man should first of all upgrade himself (his skills, his lifestyle, his confidence, his personality) in order to become his best self, thus a great partner to his girlfriend/spouse; second of all, he should educate himself in the area of love and romantic relationships, and with his best version of himself and an understanding of relationships he would be able to really make his romantic relationship a source of joy and happiness in life.

I have created this website to give you the best resources to both upgrade yourself and also educate yourself on the subject of romantic relationships, and I have put, and keep putting all my time and passion into it, now it’s your call to use it and improve you love life.

To stay updated with the new articles and the news about the new book I am working on, make sure to subscribe using the box below.

Resources “Upgrade Yourself”:

You’re Awesome And You Know It

10 Steps To Awesomeness

Boredom Is A Choice Series

Resources “Educate Yourself”:

3 Deadly Mistakes To Avoid

7 Golden Rules Of Texting

Elixir Of Love – Discovered!

How To Keep A Woman Faithful

A more extended list of resources HERE.

Best of luck,

Besski Livius

Photo Source Eviloars

About Livius Besski

Livius Besski's job is simple - to make your relationship work better. In fact, not just work, but to THRIVE! He does that through his free articles, his in-depth books, and more intimately through his live events and deep transformative private coaching. If you're ready to feel better in your love life, check out his books, and the 'Consultations' page to talk to him personally.


  1. babz says:

    i’ve always given and have given the “just be yourself” line. like you said, its lack of what to say and i always felt it was lame, but reading the above post, i realized how stupid, ridiculous and misleading that line can be. great work there Livius.

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