After years of long distance relationship experience and research on this topic I’ve come to realize that the level of trust in a long distance relationship VARIES from couple to couple. Some couples trust each other more, others not so much.
The interesting observation here is that the level of trust that exists between partners determines how happy and how successful their long distance relationship will be.
But what’s even more important to point out here is that VERY FEW couples get to a point of Healthy Trust, where they trust each other proactively instead of just trusting BLINDLY.
Below I have identified the 4 possible levels of trust in a long distance relationship.
And what I want you to do is to read them carefully and ask yourself at which level of trust is your relationship situated at right now?
This will help you understand why are you so stressed and jealous and what you can do to overcome all this suffering.
Level 4: Distrust
This is where you KNOW that she will NOT be loyal to you. And you know that based on her sexual history and her attitude towards sex.
If she’s been with many guys before you and if she’s got a relaxed attitude toward sex, then it doesn’t take much experience to realize that she won’t be loyal to you, especially in a long distance relationship.
At this level, a long distance relationship is almost impossible, because if you completely distrust your girlfriend, then jealousy and stress will eat you from the inside and make you crazy. Unless you decide to have an open-long distance relationship.
Level 3: No Trust
This is the case when you don’t really trust your partner. You’re always DOUBTING her and being suspicious about her behavior.
In this case you have no trust in your girlfriend because others have broken your trust in the past. So you’ve got some baggage from past relationships. Or it might be that you don’t trust her because SHE has broken your trust before by lying to you or not keeping her promises.
If you are on this level, then you get easily jealous and you have a tendency to behave in controlling ways.
Level 2: Blind Trust
Now, this is the level of trust that everybody is recommending everywhere one the internet or not matter who you talk to. They say “you just have to trust your girlfriend” and everything will be fine.
Trusting your girlfriend blindly is of course better than not trusting her at all and doubting her all the time, however the problem is that this is the part where you just HOPE that she’ll stay faithful to you, and you do nothing to prevent it because you simply don’t know what to do.
Although trust is an important aspect of any successful relationship, blind trust would ultimately lead to heartache.
(Chris and Kate Bell. The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide)
And therefore you still feel those fears, worries and frustrations; you’re still stressed because you want to trust her, but you actually can’t.
So you’re basically staying at the mercy of the circumstances, you feel worried and helpless and HOPE that she won’t cheat – you’re acting like a victim, instead of taking responsibility for the situation and acting like a true lover.
And this is where the 4-th level of trust comes into the game.
Level 1: Proactive Trust
This is the level where you KNOW for a fact that she will be loyal to you, and you KNOW that because you’ve created the right conditions and you’ve inspired her to be loyal to you.
So now you can relax, calm down and finally be able to RELY on trust, and stop being afraid of her cheating on you.
What proactive trust means is putting together all the right conditions that will inspire your girlfriend to be devoted to you. Is nothing else but making her WANT to be loyal to you and only you.
Now the way I see it, proactive trust is the next level of trust. If we talked about “just trust” being not enough, then proactive trust is what makes it be enough.
This type of trust also takes the relationship to a whole new level because it doesn’t just secure her faithfulness to you allowing you to finally relax, but it also strengthens your relationship and your girlfriend’s love for you as a side effect.
Therefore, the best way to trust in a long distance relationship is to trust proactively, and take the matter in your own hands (as you’ll see below) instead of thinking and acting like a victim who is staying at the mercy of the circumstances, and suffering as a result.
So at what level are you right now?
1. Distrust – Do you KNOW that she won’t be loyal?
2. No Trust – Are you DOUBTING her loyalty to you?
3. Blind Trust – Are you just HOPING that she’ll be loyal?
4. Proactive Trust – Or do you KNOW for sure that she WILL be loyal?
Now, no matter at what level you are right now, you can easily get to level 4, and become proactive about inspiring your girlfriend to be loyal to you.
Most people of course will alternate between level 2 and 3 and therefore be on a constant roller coaster of negative emotions, sometimes followed by jealousy scenes and controlling behavior and other times repressing those emotions because they “are supposed to just trust.”
So, how to trust proactively?
There are 17 simple ways to do so, which when you learn what they are, you’ll never have to worry about your partner cheating on you, or falling out of love again.