I always say that a relationship is a team game, if one player stops playing good enough – the team loses.
You may find yourself in a relationship where it’s just you investing and trying to keep the relationship going, while your girlfriend seems to be just passive or uncooperative.
Well, if that’s the case, then you’ve got to ask yourself if there is something wrong in your relationship.
And there are two things that may be wrong in such cases:
A. She’s either not happy enough (read: she doesn’t love you enough) to be motivated to invest.
B. She’s happy, but she doesn’t know how to make you happy – because you’re not asking for what you want.
Therefore my recommendation to you is to NOT give up at the first relationship problem, fight or argument that you might have, but after you’ve tried asking for what you want and after you’ve tried understanding and meeting her needs.
Don Give Up Too Quickly
Why do I insist on trying to make things work before giving up too quickly?
Well, it’s very simple, if you give up too quickly with this one, chances are that you’ll give up too quickly with the next one and so on for the rest of your unhappy life.
And NOT because the girls are not fine, but BECAUSE you’re carrying a poor emotional baggage and you look for instant gratification all your life – at the first sign that something sucks – you give up; and relationships can suck a lot, especially when there is not a great understanding of each other’s needs, and your keep bumping into a wall each time you want something.
So, what do you do?
A. Give Her Love!
The most common problem in a relationship is that she stops feeling happy and excited about the relationship. But ‘not happy’ does not mean that she’s ‘unhappy’, it just means that her needs are not met, and she feels frustrated and unsatisfied.
When you communicate with your partner, you learn what her REAL needs are, and you make sure to be a good boyfriend, a boyfriend that knows how to keep love alive in a relationship, then you’ll manage to re-ignite her happiness, and the chances that the relationship will work out fine would be 50% better, or maybe even 99% better.
B. Teach Her How To Love You!
But keep in mind that being a great boyfriend and knowing how to keep her in love is not enough. If she loves you like crazy, but you still feel unhappy in your relationship, then chances are that you’re not asking for what you want, you’re not teaching her how to make you happy.
You can’t just give up because she’s not making you happy and you’re getting bored of the relationship, you’ve got to teach her how to make you happy, you’ve got to ask for what you want and expect to get it.
Teaching her how to make you happy comes down to Setting Boundaries and Having Standards.
Setting Boundaries means telling her what you don’t accept in a relationship, what you don’t approve of her doing, which would prevent and discourage second class behavior, and therefore eliminate your frustrations.
And Having Standards means telling her what you expect of her, how you want her to behave and treat you, what you want her to do to make you feel happy in this relationship. Having standards would, therefore encourage first class behavior, and thus make you happy.
You’ve got to set some boundaries and demand some standards, otherwise if you just give up on her because she’s not making you happy, then chances are that you’ll always have unhappy relationships because you know how to make women happy, but you don’t know how to ask for love… you don’t know how to teach them to make you happy in return.
And most women don’t know how to make us happy unless we teach them, unless we ask for what we want. They simply cannot read our minds, so we’ve got to ask for what we want and need in a relationship.
Therefore, the idea is that before giving up on a relationship you want to:
- Give love. (meet her needs, keep love alive)
- Ask for love. (Teach her how to make you happy by asking for what you want.)
And when you tried making her happy in HER way, the way that she wants to be made happy, and she’s still not making you happy in return; and then after you’ve tried to teach her how to make you happy and she still doesn’t get it, and you keep suffering while giving and giving. Then there’s probably no point in holding onto that relationship. Let her go, and let yourself go….the sea is waiting for you, and the fish too.
And chances are that if after you went through these two steps (for a month or two) and things are still not working out between you two, it’s because you are not a good fit for each other, so the only rational action to take it to let her go. Let her find a man that will fit her better, and let yourself be free to meet the woman who’ll make you happy.
And now you are ready, because you are able to give love and ask for love, and that’s what matters most.
Give Love & And Teach Her How To Love You!
Photo Author: Linda