What If She Likes Clubbing?

Long Distance Relationships and Clubbing are not a good match! And I’m about to discuss below: Why women love clubbing, Why is it  not beneficial for a long distance relationship and MOST IMPORTANTLY… How to deal with this issue once for all.

Why She Goes Out Clubbing?

Attention is food for women’s egos. Women love attention and they constantly make sure to look at their best specifically for this reason.

Beginning with putting make up on, dressing in a unique and/or sexy way, having a stylish hairstyle, wearing all kinds of unique accessories and ending with a tasteful perfume on, they  do everything in their power to receive attention from the people around them, especially from men.

  • You could argue that women make sure too look great “just to feel good about themselves” and that would be true as well, because when they know that they look great, their confidence goes to the roof.
  • You could also say that they dress up for other women, because they want to look better than all the other women around, but in the end it all comes down to being the center of attention and attracting the best men as a result.

So, when it all comes down to “Attention”, what a better way to get a lot of romantic attention than going out clubbing and being hit on by a bunch of guys? Receiving tons of compliments, being asked for their numbers, invited to dance, being bought drinks and so on. All of these being equivalents attention.

So, in my opinion, women go to clubs primarily for attention! And what’s interesting is that women tend to relate the notion of attention to the notion of having fun. So the more attention a woman has gotten the more fun she feels she’s had. Of course, it’s not about the attention of drunken guys that try to hit on her constantly annoying her to death, but the attention from the people that matter to her (her friends, some guys that she likes).

Now, besides “attention” there are a few other reasons why girls hit the clubs on a regular basis. So, let’s discuss them one by one below…

  • Sex. Clubbing is an easy way to get easy sex. One night stands are becoming more and more popular nowadays, and it’s very common in clubs to find girls that are “available” for that one night. And there’s nothing wrong with that, I don’t have any problem with women going out and satisfying their sexual needs, as long it’s not my girlfriend that’s doing that.
  • Dancing. I hear this reason a lot. “I go clubbing because I love to dance!” …Really? Is it clubbing the best environment to enjoy your passion for dancing? I personally don’t think so. Still, I don’t deny the fact that some girls go out just because they love to dance. But if you think about it, the kind of dancing that happens in a club has one end goal – getting attention.
  • Drinking. What is clubbing without drinking? Can you drink at home? Of course you can, but going out and drinking is much more fun, isn’t it?
  • Being social. Yeah, yeah….girls go out to meet people, to socialize! Is there any worse way of meeting people than clubbing? All that loud music, the alcohol and the dim light – Just the perfect ambiance for making friends and having nice conversations.
  • Looking for a boyfriend. Pretty bad choice too, yet It can work out fine sometimes.
  • Relaxing. Well, going out to relax and forget about the hard week that has just ended is another common reason why girls go out. And it could be a legitimate reason too, however given the other factors like alcohol, drugs and horny guys…I tend to believe that there are other ways of relaxing. But that’s just me.
  •  What else to do? I know many girls that go out just because everybody else goes out, and there’s nothing else to do for fun, other than hitting the club. And I have to agree with them, clubbing is one of the few options girls have in terms of fun stuff to do, when the weekend comes.
  • Hanging out with friends. What a nice way of bonding with friends. (no pun intended!)

Overall, these eight reasons fall into two big categories: having fun and seeking attention.

So, basically these are the two big reasons why clubs still exist and women frequent them regularly.

But no matter why your girlfriend likes to go clubbing, you are still not happy about it… you feel insecure, worried and jealous. Knowing that your beloved girl is out somewhere partying hardcore, will unavoidably make you feel worried and restless.

And you have all the rights in the world to do so, because in the end, your girlfriend going out clubbing on a regular basis, when you’re not around is not beneficial at all to a long distance relationship.

Why Is Clubbing Harmful?

  • Drinking, smoking and losing control.

That’s the perfect recipe of a girl becoming slutty. A few drinks on board and some cigarettes, and let’s have fun and make out with all the drunken guys around!

If that would be your girlfriend would you happy about it? Is that beneficial for a long distance relationship?…. NOT at all!

  • Being hit on by lots of guys.

If she’s good looking, guys will keep hitting on her! That’s just common sense.

Beginning with her social circle friends, the guys around the club, the security guys, the barman etc.; all of them are horny beings that want a piece of fresh meat.

And the more she finds herself in the position of getting attention from men; the more she accepts dancing with guys, accepts drinks etc. the more it creates the right circumstances  that lead to more than just “having fun in the club” and to being unfaithful.

I call this “Circumstantiality” which means that being in the club is the first step in creating the right circumstances for “unwanted actions” to happen.

  • Being influenced by the “clubbing culture” of being slutty.

You see, whether she wants it or not, but being surrounded by a few hundred other people that keep drinking, dancing and making out all over the place, will influence her views regarding this type of behavior.

When going out clubbing becomes a part of her lifestyle, a girl will unavoidably accept such behavior as something normal.

  • Her friends influencing her.

Besides that, the friends that she goes out with are also “party girls”, and we all know that friends influence to a high degree a person’s behavior. When she sees her friends getting drunk and being slutty, and doing that most of times when they go out, then she starts to see that as something acceptable ….like “everybody is doing it I should do it too!”

  • The risk of taking drugs.

Let’s be frank here, clubs and drugs go hand in hand. Where there is party, loud music, alcohol and horny people there’s drugs not far away. Depending on the girls character she might be tempted to take drugs or not. But the fact that she’s in the position of taking such a decision is already a negative thing.

  • The danger of being hit on by older and more aggressive men.

And then there’s the danger of being the target of older more aggressive men that go to clubs to recruit some young fresh girls for their various needs. These are the drug dealers, gangsters, criminals, sociopaths and so on, men that don’t take No for an answer.

What To Do About It?   

Even good, innocent women go clubbing from time to time. It’s become a part of our modern society to have fun in the weekends by going out clubbing. That’s how young people have fun nowadays and we can’t really change that.

In a long distance relationship, as much as we’d love to, we can’t stop our girlfriends from going out to clubs; we can’t interdict them to do so. They are young, energetic and wanting to have a good time.

Now they are young and now it’s the time to experience this stuff, so you can’t just say “Stay home, and don’t ever go out.”

What you can do though, is to handle this issue in the right manner. I am going to share with you below my 5 Step Method of how to deal with this issue, in order to make sure that clubbing does not become a problem in my long distance relationship.

1)      Expressing you disapproval. First of all, you want to let her know about your opinion in regards to party girls. Telling her why these girls are not the type of girl you want to have as a girlfriend, especially in a long distance relationship, when you can’t be there close to her.

Also letting her know about the reasons why you don’t prefer such girls and how clubbing can influence a girl’s personality and behavior.

2)      Making an agreement. Making some type of mutual agreement that she’ll go out less frequently. This could be once a week, or once every two weeks. I think that’s pretty fair. But, you’ve got to decide what “fair” means for you and for your girlfriend.

3)      Setting some limitations. When she goes out clubbing, agreeing about some limitations is one of the best things that you can do. And it basically means  agreeing with her on what she can do and what she should NOT do.

From my experience, the limitations would be the following:

  • Not wearing excessively sexy outfits (ridiculously short dresses/skirts, deep cleavage)
  • Telling guys that she has a boyfriend.
  •  Being cold with guys that express romantic interest in her.
  •  Not accepting favors from other guys in the form of drinks, drives home etc.
  •  Avoiding talking about some sensitive subjects like: sex, being adventurous, them doing stuff together and so on.
  •  Not touching guys. And here I mean the kind of flirtatious touching.
  •  Not allowing guys to touch her. (touching her waist, putting their hand over her shoulder, holding her hands etc.)
  •  No sexy dancing.
  •  Not giving her number away.
  •  Not moving around the club when a guy ask her to (let’s go have a cigarette, let’s sit down on this couch, let’s go get a drink etc.) because by doing that  she expresses interest in the guy, and thus encourages him to keep hitting on her.
  • No kissing! (of course)

Now, these limitations might seem like a lot. But in reality most of them are just common sense, and girls that are serious about their relationships naturally follow them. However I find it more reliving having talked about it with my girlfriend and having agreed on these limitations before hand.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that this is too much…because it really isn’t! If you feel like she’s not naturally following these limitations then YOU MUST talk to her about them. It’s okay to agree on such limitations and it’s okay for your girlfriend to follow them. This doesn’t mean cutting her freedom or depriving her from something vital – these are just some common sense boundaries that have to be set in a long distance relationship.

The worst thing you can do is to be ignorant about these issues and then wake up one day with a text message from her saying: “Sorry, but I can’t bear all this distance and we have to break up.” And the real reason for that being that she’s been cheating on you for the last few months but couldn’t  find the courage to end the relationship.

4)      Not worrying. This means that you want to avoid being needy and over-controlling. Knowing that your girlfriend is clubbing that night would most probably make you feel a little nervous and even jealous. And experiencing these emotions would make you become needy and you’d start calling and texting her just to make sure she’s fain. And that it’s a pretty bad mistake because it shows her that you’re very insecure.

Get yourself busy, go to sleep, go party yourself. As long as you did the first three suggestions right, you have nothing to worry about, and if something happens you can’t really control it anyways. It’s her decisions and her responsibility from there on.

5)      Being transparent about it. This means asking her to tell you how was it that night, and NOT tolerating lying. It is very important that she’s sincere about it and does not start hiding stuff and telling you what you want to hear. Her lying to you, it’s even worse than let’s say “doing something wrong in the club”.

I find that having a nice conversation the next day, and her telling me about how was it last night, with a decent amount of details, to be very helpful in trusting her more and being okay with her going out.

So in my experience, following this 5 step method is the only mature thing that you can do in order to deal with the issue of clubbing successfully.


Clubbing is not evil. And just like anything else in the world it could have positive and negative consequences, depending on HOW and HOW OFTEN it happens.

But overall, there’s too much temptation when clubbing, and the bigger the temptation and the more often a girl is exposed to it, the more likely it is that she’ll be influenced by the clubbing culture of drinking, smoking, taking drugs and being slutty.

The main problem that I have with clubbing is that it creates the right circumstances for sinfulness and wrongdoing, for lavishness and infidelity. And depending on the character and personality of a girl, she may or may not be influenced by this culture. However, the more often the exposure to it the higher the probability of her becoming a “bad girl”, the opposite of a long distance “girlfriend material”.

Now, you can’t interdict her to go out clubbing, but you can encourage her to reasonable about it.

In the end we all have to make some sacrifices when it comes to maintaining a happy relationship, especially when it’s long distance. And going less often clubs and parties, as well as following the limitations that you agreed about, are some of those sacrifices that a girlfriend should make in a long distance relationship.

What do you think? 

About Livius Besski

After knowing nothing about love and getting his heart broken over and over again, Livius has decided to figure this topic out. And for the past 10 years he has discovered the counter-intuitive way love works, has created a system for overcoming neediness (which is holding most guys back) and is now sharing all of his practical advice here on the site.


  1. Lexi27 says:

    I’m a girl and I personally do not go out clubbing often but there was maybe 1 time I did and no matter how many guys asked me to dance, I ended up just turning them down and danced with my friends, I think you CAN have fun at a nightclub even if you are in a relationship, but it takes a huge amount of trust in your partner, because lets face it in an LDR no one knows what really goes on…trust or no trust…my boyfriend of 2 years goes out to clubs…he recently told me he dances with girls but not in a sexual way, this made me irritated at first bc I had been declining guys when I go out, but I realized I was being too strict, I understand the need to live our lives the way we want to, I dont mind as long as he doesnt give her his number, goes out with her, adds her to Facebook, or goes home with her or does any horrible behavior in any way, I trust him in that area bc he is usually with guy friends and I’m sure they would tell me if he did something wrong. He usually tells me about his nights tho. and lets face it he is a world renowed DJ producer…the need to be understand is even higher for me. but I do understand their needs to be limits…Id rather him be upfront about what he does. from there ill decide if its unnacceptable or not. bc if he doesnt find it wrong then he has growing up to do.

  2. Femi says:

    You’re giving lots of valuable advice. I hope a lot of women read it and heed your words. It could prevent a lot of conflict potential and misunderstandings over a long distance. An LDR requires two emotionally mature and stable partners. An absolute must.

  3. I think you have a double standard for men and women. I like a lot of your advice but I do not like how you act like girls are like objects that men ‘own,’ and that men know what’s better for women than they do. It’s equally disgusting for a guy to cheat on a girl as for a girl to cheat on a guy. Girls that get attention from men are considered more attractive, and vice versa equally. Perhaps generally men are more willing to have sex with strangers. But both men and women should be held to the same standard – not calling only girls ‘slutty.’ I mean, I’ve met plenty of manwhores (lol) in my time who only cared about getting attention from women. I like the idea of discussing boundaries, and in general not making jealousy too big of a deal in the relationship by being clear, honest, not encouraging jealousy, and having trust in both yourself and the other. But party times with good close friends are especially important in a LDR and it’s not the job of the significant other to tell you what to do. These party times usually reaffirm the relationship and increase happiness. Simply the other should trust you, you should both have clear boundaries, and you should live up to their trust. But please be clear that the guy should also stick to those boundaries and that they aren’t gender roles.

    • I perfectly agree with what you have to say here T. And of course, men should also stick to those boundaries as well. Plus, I too think that party times are great, when they are not happening very often and turning into a clubbing lifestyle, because if that’s the case, there’s very little hope for making an LDR work.

  4. Charm says:

    This is a very beautiful article, Im a girl and I completely agree with you. I would totally follow these rules because I value my relationship so much. But I wanna know, how can I tell my guy to do the same? He parties a lot in the past, right now in moderation, he is transparent to me about talking to girls in parties that he goes to, but sometimes he leaves out important details that I believe I should know. How can I clarify these rules to him without sounding so untrusting, because I trust him really but of course it’s natural for me to worry, and how will I know that everything he says is real? He admitted to me he was a great liar in his past relationships but I strongly believe he is changed since he met me and weve been going strong for the past 2 yrs, he’ll be residing in the US permanently (he stayed there for a month then went back in the Phils, then going back to the US for good). We’re only about to start our LDR and Im pretty scared of the future. I hope to hear from you, your articles are very inspiring I hope we make it through this like you. Thanks!

  5. I am a guy (in a relationship with a guy – 4 years now, 2 long distance) and he enjoys clubbing much more than I do; this article has really helped to calm how I feel about him going out. I think with him it is a tendency more to want to dance, and because it is what all his friends do – and I am often invite (200 miles, and no interest in the club scene make this a difficult option!)

    So many times I have found myself knowing he is on a night out worrying, or panicking myself about what may or may not happen, and thus far there is no evidence whatsoever that he has ever cheated or done anything untoward on a night out. I find that often occupying yourself on a night out, or seeing my own friends often really helps the situation; when you are sat in on a Friday watching Corrie and you know your loved one is drinking and getting ready to go out it can really grind you down (I know very well the above issue of feeling insecure and bombarding your love with texts, or calling etc. etc.)

    In all, I think most often we allow ourselves to worry when in a long distance relationship – and understandably so – but often if you are happy with your partner you should have nothing to worry about 🙂

  6. Joey says:

    I really liked your article but dont totally agree. My gf just recently went to ibiza spain to go clubbing the first night she got there she told me the people she was with were doing a lot of drugs and since she was kinda tired said she might do some coke. I talked with her about this before and said i wouldnt tolerate my gf doing hard drugs of any kind. Marijuana is fine mushrooms are fine (in controlled and safe environments of course) but hard drugs nonfucking way. She knew i wouldnt like her doing this and we were talking on skype when she told me she might do it and she knew i wouldnt like it but basically said too bad idc what u say im going to do it anyway im here to have fun. Now this is not like her at all and the entire night i had physical pain in my stomach bc i knew this situation wasnt right. I called her as soon as she got online and she told me she ended up taking a tiny ammount of what the guy called crystal and i was like thats meth are u Fu**ing crazy?! It was like she broke something in my heart when she did that and the ONLY reason this hapened was bc of the STUPID CLUB. After having a long talk with her and her apologizing alot i set it plain and simple NO MORE CLUBS i cant handle a girl that puts themselves in that situation if she doesnt want to do that then we wont be going out anymore. My view is clubs are for single people period no gf or wives belong there unless they are immature, but i said it is perfectly fine if she wants to go with me and she can dance sexual with me ALL NIGHT LONG 🙂 but clubs in my mind are filth i wouldnt expect her to be ok with me going to a stripclub for fun im not going to expect this club thing for my girlfriend. There are many other ways to have fun be creative go to a concert a comedy club a nice chill bar with her friends but a club with a bunch of sleezeball guys that dont care if you have a bf or not they are still going to try to get with you no thank you. There are places that i dont belong when im in a relationship and theres places she doesnt belong when in a relationship not really a grey area here. She also got roofied with ghb another time before this so at first i didnt like the fact she was going but dealt with it but after how ive seen her become influenced and become a completely different person solely bc of the club all bets are off either she stopped this lifestyle or we said goodbye. Thats my view anyway