Are Long Distance Relationships REAL?

long distance love real

What I’ve noticed in my experience and research, is that some people, mostly those who don’t have a LDR, or those who don’t believe in LDRs, or even more so people who have gone through a failed LDR, will often claim that such relationships are NOT REAL relationships.

But this feeling, unfortunately, is not limited only to people who don’t have, don’t believe in, or have failed a long distance relationship, it’s also us long distance lovers, that we feel sometimes that what we have is the illusion of a relationship, and not a REAL romantic relationship.

And it’s easily understandable why people may feel and believe so.

There are solid reasons to think this way: long distance relationships seem as a waste of time, they seem doomed to failure and often with no potential future together; they seem as unsatisfactory and painful because our partners are not close to us to touch, kiss and make love to them, and all we do is to wait and miss each other like crazy.

All these reasons could lead us to think and feel like long distance relationships are not REAL!

But here’s my question to you…

What makes a relationship REAL?

Often even classic relationships don’t seem REAL, people stay in them just for the sex, or due to lack of other options, or just because of the money, because of the kids, other people’s opinions, due to personal insecurities and so on… and yet nobody questions if those relationships are REAL or NOT.

What Makes A Relationship Real?

Well, here’s my take on the realness of a relationship, be it long distance or not.

Reciprocal Love and Commitment = Real Relationship

Which means that if you love your girlfriend, and your girlfriend loves you, and you are both committed and dedicated to make this relationship work: then your relationship is REAL, no matter if there is 10.000 miles between you or 0 miles. If, however, one of these conditions is missing, reciprocal love or reciprocal commitment, then you have the illusion of a relationship, no matter if you’re close or far away from one another.

Long distance or not, as long as your primal need to love and feel loved is met, I see not reason why your relationship would not be REAL!

So it’s not the distance that determines whether a relationship is REAL or not, but the existence, or lack of, Love and Commitment.

And people had such relationships from the beginnings of humanity: soldiers going to war or to army, travelers going around the world, people forced to work in other countries, nowadays students who study abroad, and lovers who meet online; all these people having long distance relationships! How can you tell them that the love they carry in their hearts is not real?

And while it may be argued that for a long distance relationship to be realistic, the age of the partner, the nationality, the financial situation and the possibility of one of the partners to relocate would have to be RIGHT…

…these are but barriers that can be overcome and have been overcome by thousands of long distance lovers so far, because as long as there is love and commitment, you have the biggest motivator in the world to overcome these barriers. Of course not always it is possible, but more often than not, it is.

Read Part 2 ->>

About Livius Besski

After knowing nothing about love and getting his heart broken over and over again, Livius has decided to figure this topic out. And for the past 10 years he has discovered the counter-intuitive way love works, has created a system for overcoming neediness (which is holding most guys back) and is now sharing all of his practical advice here on the site.


  1. Masahiro Akira says:

    I’m in a LDR with a Guy in Indonesia.
    It really Hurts when Someone Says ‘LDR is not Real’ or Its not a Real Relationship.
    If There’s Love, Trust and Commitment then It’s a Relationship.
    I don’t care if I have to wait a Year or Years until I can Meet Him, I’ll wait and Do anything for Him just like ‘In real Life’ Relationships. LDR Works if There’s ‘L.T.C’ and Also A Plan to End the distance. I choose LDR with my Bf Over a ‘I.R.L’ Relationship Any day.

  2. nancy says:

    I am in a long distance relationship.We have been together for about a year and a half.He lives in Maine I live in Texas.We see each other and we have a blast.It hurts me sometimes .I just sit here and cry.We used to text a lot but it has minimized and it drives me crazy.I just want to know is he with me for the sex.Cause I am already emotionally involved and I don’t want to turn this into a toxic waste love.