LDRs – Are You Wasting Your Time?

Losing time in a long distance relationship

I got a question from a reader, asking me if I thought that long distance relationships could work, and if they’re not just a delusional way of losing precious time waiting for someone who we may never be together with?

I’m scared that we’re wasting our time being exclusive if we end up breaking up, and I’m scared that not only her feelings will be hurt but mine will be hurt as well. I’m scared that nothing we can do will make it work although we try so hard.

At first, I thought, well, isn’t the presence of this website and the 40+ articles on it answering this question? But then I realized how skeptical of a person I am when it comes to accepting some ideas, especially when those ideas make me feel a little uncomfortable and unsure. So, I decided to answer his question in this article.

Am I losing my time in this relationship? Is it ever gonna work out? Is it worth it?

I have been in long distance relationships for the last 7 years, so believe me, there are times when such thoughts pass through our heads, be it because we feel a little discouraged, or our friends or parents tell us how stupid we are, and that you’re losing our youth waiting for someone who we may never be together with.

It’s hard, and exactly such thoughts, if not dealt with in the right manner may lead to disinterest in the relationship and possibly infidelity.

The way I try to address this issue is by adopting the following beliefs myself, and then inspiring my girlfriend to believe the same way:

1.   We love each other.  It doesn’t matter if it’s from distance or not, but we love each other and we want to be together. I don’t care if we have to wait a few months or a few years, but we want to share our love to each other. Love is a very special emotion, and should never be repressed just because we’re far away at this moment.

2.   It’s just a different type of relationship. The fact that we’re not having a classic relationship were we can meet every day, does not mean that we’re not a couple and we’re not having a relationship, because we do have one and it’s a SPECIAL relationship. It’s not a pain in the ass; it’s not an intermediary time until we can be together – it’s actually a relationship that must be taken as it is and enjoyed at its fullest potential.

3.   Long distance can be a lot of fun too. I know that we miss each other a lot, but that’s even better, because when we finally meet, we feel like in heaven, we feel happy and joyful. Moreover, we get to travel a lot more than classic couples do – we travel to visit each other; we travel to meet in a country in between; when we meet we travel around our country (spending time as much fun as possible). So, long distance love has its bright side too.

 4.   It’s an investment. Let’s see, if you have a 2 years long distance relationship and you end up closing the distance, are you gonna be happy? Well, chances are that your relationship will be a successful one. The reason is that – you learned a vital relationship skill, the skill to communicate and solve any of your issues trough communication. This is an ability that most classic couples never get to developed, while being caught up in the physical and sexual realm of a relationship. So, a long distance relationship can be seen as a priceless investment in a stronger and more enjoyable future relationship.

 5.   We can take advantage of long distance. We can make use of the time being apart to be more productive. I came to actually appreciate long distance at one point, because it gave me more freedom. I had much more time to study, to work, to read books and develop myself, than I used to have when I lived together with my girlfriend; or when I was single chasing after women. And same story for my girlfriend, she’s got a lot more time to prepare for her exams.

Therefore, having these beliefs really incorporated in my thinking and behavior helps me deal with the feeling of losing time, and also helps me inspire my girlfriend to believe the same way.

Stay in Love.

Besski Livius

About Livius Besski

After knowing nothing about love and getting his heart broken over and over again, Livius has decided to figure this topic out. And for the past 10 years he has discovered the counter-intuitive way love works, has created a system for overcoming neediness (which is holding most guys back) and is now sharing all of his practical advice here on the site.