Personal Life Or Love Life First?

If you are anything like me, then when you have a great woman in your life and you love her like crazy, you sincerely feel like if you ever lose her it would be a big emotional disaster for you.

When you love this amazing girl so much, you have the tendency to put everything aside and make sure that she’s happy, thus doing everything in your power to keep her happy…you give up your values, you allow her to change you and the way you live your life. You allow her to change your goals or at least to influence them…and then you start to neglect some of the other important areas of your life.

You, me, and most men on this planet, we have this tendency to overvalue the woman we love and put her on a big pedestal, at least in the first stages of a relationship.

And the problem is that by doing that we both neglect our life and also lose their attraction. And in the end we end up with a  broken heart and a life that sucks…no friends, no good career, little money, bad health (from eating fast food and talking too much on Skype) poor school grades etc.

I don’t want you to be like that, I want you to be a man of value and a man that is both successful and attractive to his woman.

So why should you avoid making your love partner the most important elemenet in your life?

First of all we need to understand that having a happy, fulfilling life means much more than having a great love partner. Besides love we need a job to pay our bills, we need health be able to work (and make love), we need friends to socialize, we need a family to be a part of, we need passions to follow etc.

All of these and many more are ingredients of having a fulfilling life. And as obvious as it may sound we need to make sure to take care of all of them and sustain them as best as possible.

Now, the problem arises when we fall in love with a great woman and as a result we start to gradually neglect most of the other important areas of our life.

This article is my way of warning you to avoid doing a big mistake…giving up your personal life for your love life.

Because if you make this mistake, you end up becoming a person with no valuable things in his life…bad health, no friends, poor career, bad studies, no passions etc. which makes you a “poor man” and puts in the position of not being able to offer anything of value to your woman.

Which brings us to the second reason of why “love should not be first” – because it makes your partner lose attraction for you.

Women want, (sorry) they desire to be put first in man’s life, that’s what makes their ego grow huge, BUT when a man does that, they start to lose their attraction for that man.

You see, they already got what they needed – the ego boost. They have no more interest in being with that man anymore. They need another man that is more of a challenge and is not so eager to put aside his personal life, his personal goals and values and put her on a big pedestal. Women need challenge and putting her first in your life is killing the challenge and killing the attraction as well.

So, besides the fact that you neglect your personal life for her, it also means that you became a less valuable man overall. Women love to be first, but they love most a man that has a life, that has a career, that has money to pay his bills, that’s healthy and that has a great family and social circle.

Now, if you’ve read so far, I think you got my point and you’re able to apply this principle in your life in your own way. But if you need a little inspiration on how to apply this principle effectively, then here’s the way I do it…

1. Make a list of what’s important in your life. For me for example is my career, my relationship, my friends, my family, my personal development, my health and my passions. (all of them having the same value to me)

2. Let her know that she’s not the first thing in your life. She’s the first thing in your hearth, but in your life there other important things too. Basically there’s no “First thing in your life” there are just a few important things that you care about. Sometimes one of those become first because you want to excel at it. Therefore sometimes you can take some time to put love first, other times you put your studies first, other times your job etc. But she needs to know that she’s NOT the FIRST all the time, and she should not blame you for “You don’t care enough about me, you care more about your work, etc.” because they are both as important, but on different levels. And you need to explain her that.

3. Encourage her to be independent and take care of her life too. Otherwise if she’s having you on the forefront then she’ll demand the same from you as well, she’ll feel constantly neglected and unloved.  You want to grow together, you want to support each other in life and become better persons as a result of being together. Otherwise if one of you evolves so much and the other stays the same, then you’ll find yourself at some point being very different from each other and incompatible anymore – no common topics to talk about, no similar life views no similar tastes etc.

4. Balance the important areas of your life. Knowing what I care about in this life helps me be focused on them and avoid neglecting one or some of them. You want them to be equally managed and nurtured so that you have a quality life.

5. Alternate them. Yes sometimes you have one or few areas of your life that are more important than others, but that’s just temporary and then it’ll all come back to normal. Let’s say that you taka holiday with your loved one, then “the relationship” for that period is on the forefront. Then you come back to work and you have to catch up with a project, then the project is on the forefront, but you still don’t neglect your partner, your family, passions and so on and so forth.

So, before giving up your job, fighting with your family for her, neglecting your friends, giving up your personal goals and your passions, think twice and see if there’s any possibility of not sacrificing other areas of your life for love, but making a compromise instead.

Women want to be first in a man’s hearth, not in a man’s life!

(but they won’t tell you this, because they don’t know it either. They might think that they wanna be the number one most important thing in man’s life, but they don’t realize that when that happens they lose attraction for that man, and look for a more challenging one.)

So my answer to the question: “Love life or personal life first?” is – Neither of them first! They are both as important to the quality of your life, and the only thing you can do is to balance them carefully.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Love or personal life first?
(scroll down and leave a comment below)

About Livius Besski

After knowing nothing about love and getting his heart broken over and over again, Livius has decided to figure this topic out. And for the past 10 years he has discovered the counter-intuitive way love works, has created a system for overcoming neediness (which is holding most guys back) and is now sharing all of his practical advice here on the site.


  1. Excellent article! It is very good when someone tells you the truth in the face. Not that you don’t know these things, but when they’re mentioned, then you see it for real.

    Do you think it is a good idea to give this article to my girlfriend to read?


    • Thank you!

      I think it’s totally fine to show her this particular article,
      But keep in mind that she’ll also see the other articles on this blog.

      So, as long as you’re okay with that, then sure – give it to her, so that
      you’re both on the same page in terms of how you see the relationship fitting
      in your life.



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