The Enemy – Distance or Time?

I’ve always thought that distance is the big enemy that prevents us from being close to our beloved girlfriends. And I was wrong!

“It’s not the distance that’s the enemy, but the endless time I have to wait until I hold you in my arms.”

So what’s worse:

  •      I can’t have you close to me right now!  or
  •      I have to wait 3 months until I see you again!?

Most of us will say that the second one is the most painful one. We need a great deal of patience to endure the unbearable missing and the sexual desire.

There’s no need to decide which one you hate more, but there’s a great advantage in knowing which one brings you more pain.

Because if you know that, then you can do something about it. In my experience, time is the number one issue of long distance relationship. There’s a lot of time that we need to wait before seeing our partners again, and that’s what makes us suffer most, discourages us and sometimes leads to ruined relationships.

We could even call these relationships “long waiting relationships” or “patience testing relationships” because waiting and missing each other is all we do.

Let me be a bit more creative and give an unusual explanation of why I think time is the enemy and not the long distance…

Imagine there was a magic door that you could open, and enter your girlfriend’s room any time you wanted. So, you could just open the door, enter her room and you could do whatever you felt like…hugging her, kissing her, making love to her, talking to her etc. and you could do that any time.

Now, if there is no need to wait until you see her again because you can see her any time, then distance is not a problem anymore. All of a sudden this is not a painful long distance relationship because there’s no need to “wait for the time to pass” so you can meet again.

Now imagine another scenario where you’d live in the same city, maybe even the same neighborhood, but because of some “weird” reason, you wouldn’t be able to see each other sooner than every few weeks, or few months. So you’d have to wait for this time to pass until you can meet again.

In this case, distance is not a problem either. You are closer now, but if you can’t be together sooner than a few weeks then “ time” is the real issue again.

So, if you can meet as often as you wish, without waiting a long time to do it – you can be happy, even if it’s long distance; and you can be unhappy if you need to wait a long time until you see her, even if it’s not long distance.

My point here is that distance is just a circumstance, while the real difficulty of long distance relationships is the “endless time” we have to spend apart.

And might now say…Yeah, but it’s because of the distance that I have to wait such a long time! And that’s not true, it’s not because of the distance, but because of what you do while being apart…study, work, travel etc.

But again, why would you care about that anyways? …Because understanding this idea will help you deal with “the time” in a smarter way.

In the “Why Wait? Meet Her Sooner!” article, I give you some great suggestions on how to shorten “the time” that separates you.

Even if you think that that’s nearly impossible, you might find some useful suggestions that can get you thinking about booking a flight ticket… right after reading the article!

Further Reading: Why Wait? Meet Her Sooner!

With Great Respect,


About Livius Besski

After knowing nothing about love and getting his heart broken over and over again, Livius has decided to figure this topic out. And for the past 10 years he has discovered the counter-intuitive way love works, has created a system for overcoming neediness (which is holding most guys back) and is now sharing all of his practical advice here on the site.


  1. Joy Manzano says:

    There is a funny quote that nowadays, people know more about hand-helds than having their hand held! I being on deputation, am right now experiencing the ‘long wait relationship’. My smart partner found out one alternative to solve this – we started playing games, which helps us “connect” even from across the world.

    • Games are very effective actually. I didn’t really play that many games in my relationships but I keep hearing from other couples that it helps them connect and have fun together even from distance. So, that’s a great idea, thanks for sharing it with us here.

      By the way, you’re talking about Online Games right? or games like “Truth or Dare” that you play on Skype? Could you please share with us some examples of games that you play… Thanks!


  1. […] Distance is just a circumstance, but “time” is what’s really separating us from the women we love. (find out why, here) […]

  2. […] have previously said that Time is the real enemy in a LDR, but if we think it over, there is no enemy at all, it’s just a circumstance for your […]