So what do we do when our partner seems to lose their interest in us?
The truth is, I get hundreds of emails from people asking for advice on how to get their partner’s interest back.
I am constantly told a story that goes like this: everything was great up until now, we’re really in love with each other, but recently my partner started to be more cold and disinterested… what do I do?
And I find myself giving the same piece of advice to almost all the questions.
So this is my way of giving one answer to all people struggling with this issue.
If your partner is losing interest it’s usually because their attraction for you is fading.
And this is usually because you’re being too needy lately.
So to get things back in order, you want to first of all reduce your neediness, and then to spike up their attraction.
To reduce your neediness, you must realize that your relationship is only PART of your happiness in life, not all of your happiness, and therefore SHIFT the focus of your happiness from your relationship to your own life. Read more about his key shift here.
Because of course you’re gonna be needy, if most of your happiness depends on your relationship. You’re afraid of losing your happiness so you’re dependent and needy and insecure.
Talking about insecurity, the next step in getting over neediness is to CUT the imaginary link between how your partner behaves and how you feel about yourself.
Which means that you must start to LOVE yourself, because YOU ARE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE and thus not depend on your partner’s attention and affection to feel good about yourself.
You are enough as you are at this point in your life, and you don’t need anybody’s validation to be more ENOUGH.
And once you’re NOT depending on your relationship to be happy. Plus you’re NOT depending on your partner to feel good about yourself, then the last and hardest (but most important step) comes in.
Now you must realize that you’d be OKAY if you actually lost your partner. You’d still breath, eat, walk, talk and overall you’d SURVIVE if you lost your partner, like millions of people out there do.
Yes, you’d feel an emotional hangover for a few days, but you’d be fine…
And listen, if two people come to a point of breaking-up it doesn’t mean the relationship has failed. It can easily mean that the natural selection process has shown you that you’re not a good fit, or it could be that this person’s mission in your life is over, and they need to move on.
And realizing that is SO important, because it’s only when we get OVER the FEAR of losing our partner, and are ready to lose them – if they want to leave, or if they are not making us happy… it’s only then that we can truly get rid of neediness.
And by the way, I’ve named this paragraph “reducing neediness” because in my experience you can only go so far on your own. To really get over neediness, we’d need to jump on a call where I’d help you personally get rid of this monster.
Now when you’re not terrified of losing your partner. Now, you can start creating attraction.
And the way to do that is by letting your partner know “Baby, I see that you’re becoming less interested lately, what is going on? I am asking you, because it’s making me unhappy, and it’s making me doubt this relationship. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who’s not interested in me.”
The reason saying something like this creates attraction is because it shows that you’re not afraid to lose them. Plus it shows that you’re able to stand up for your happiness, and won’t just be happy with some scraps of affection here and there.
We must not be afraid to stand up for our happiness in our relationship. Even though it may mean losing the person we’re with. Because if that happens it’s because they wanted to leave anyways.
So the reaction that you’d usually get from your partner when expressing your disappointment with their behavior, and unwillingness to tolerate it would normally be one out of these two:
One, if they really care about you, they’d become worried and realized that they might be losing you if they are not stepping up their game. Which means that their interest and attraction will go up.
Two, if they don’t really care, they’d either fight you and never change the way they act, or they’d just not take your words seriously and not change the way they act… Which means that they’re already with one foot out of this relationship… so you’d better use what’s left of your dignity to let them go, before they do so and break your heart completely.
So the whole point of this article is to make you AWARE that you don’t have to tolerate a relationship where your partner is NOT interested.
If this is the case, bring it up, let your partner know that you’re not happy and NOT willing to tolerate it, and see what happens… you either get them back, or you speed up the inevitable. Both being GOOD things.
But first, you must realize that YOU make yourself happy, NOT your partner, And YOU love yourself NOT your partner. In other words, your life is your happiness and you are the love of your life. And your partner is just a piece of your puzzle, that comes in to ADD joy to your life not take away joy from it.
If you want more personal help, I would take some time and have a personal conversation with you over Skype for 60 min. It would be a free, friendly talk where we’ll explore the best way for you to act in your relationship right now.
Also, I’ve written a book on igniting and keeping attraction alive in your relationship that you can get here.
Take care and don’t hesitate to reach out.
I am here for you.
Your friend and love coach,