10 Worst Long Distance Relationship Problems SOLVED!

I must warn you: This is a long and comprehensive article! But if you do have the self-discipline to carefully read it word by word until the end, then I can guarantee that you’ll find the answers to most of your long distance relationship problems.

So, if having a lovely long distance relationship is your goal then I recommend that you take the time and read it all, because this is gonna be the most insightful article that you’ll ever find on the subject.

Problems like jealousy, fear of being cheated on, unbearable missing, constant fights, getting her naughty, boring conversations, confusion about the future, lack of attraction, too much clubbing, will be covered in this article. So, take some time and enjoy!

1. Jealousy

Jealousy is one of those emotions that eat you from the inside if not handled in the right manner.  So, how do you manage your jealousy so that it does not affect your emotional state or your long distance relationship?

Well, the first thing to understand is that jealousy is an instinct that we humans have to protect us from losing the person we love. So, it is totally natural to feel jealous and it’s totally natural to express your jealousy too.

Now, the question is how to express jealousy in the right manner? And the simple answer to this question is that we want to be reasonable about it. We want avoid the two extremes: ignorance and neediness.

We want to let our partner know when we feel jealous and clarify it together, so that it does not “boil” inside your mind. Therefore doing that, instead of trying to repress the feeling, or become over controlling and aggressive as a result.

Now, one more thing to keep in mind is that in a healthy relationship, your partner should avoid as much as possible the situations that could make you jealous. Therefore you need to let your partner know that jealousy is not your favorite emotion, and it’s better for the relationship if she avoids potential jealousy situations.

So, do not repress your jealousy, but express it and clarify it in a calm and collected manner with your partner. But take care; jealousy can also be a symptom of you being too insecure about yourself. In this case you need to deal first with your insecurities and then the jealousy will be diminishing as a result.

Read the full article for a more comprehensive explanation of how to deal with jealousy:  How To Deal With Jealousy.

17 Ways To Prevent Cheating

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2. Constant Fights
keep attraction long distance

We all know that fights and arguments are normal in a relationship. But are they normal when they happen too often and when they lead to a lot of stress and worries? …I believe not!

So, how do we deal with long distance relationship fights in a way that does not make us stressed and restless?

From my experience dealing with fights successfully is all about seeing things from a different perspective than we usually do.

It’s not a war. When we normally start an argument we see each other as two opponents that have an issue to “debate”. Therefore we get angry, maybe yell at each other, blame each other and we forget that we actually have a relationship and that we love each other.

We tend to focus on bringing the right arguments, finding excuses etc.  and forget that we are actually in a relationship, and we want to be happy, both of us want that.

So the idea here is: when you’re having an argument to remember that you are both on the same side, it’s not a war, it’s your relationship and the real enemy is the conflict itself not your partner. Thus you want to work on solving the conflict together rather than blaming each other.

Another piece of advice that I can give you is clarifying a problem or conflict when it arises. Unless is too late in the evening and you’re both tired and can’t think rationally anymore, never end a conversation without clarifying a conflict.

This is important because you don’t want to leave a conflict “in the air” and let it affect both of you for a longer period of time than necessary. As soon as a problem arises, talk it trough and don’t end the conversation until you’re both on the same page and things are back to normal.

Further Reading: The Right Way To Handle Fights And Arguments in 3 Simple Steps

3. Unbearable Missing

Loneliness and missing our partner like crazy it’s what makes long distance relationships challenging. But there are ways in which we can make time feel like passing faster. From my experience, you can diminish the longing for your partner in 6 different ways:

Involving yourself in time limited activities. I am sure you’ve noticed how fast time seems to pass when you’re in the middle of a written exam and you’ve got only 30 minutes to write a lot of stuff; or, how fast time seems to pass when you’ve got a huge project to complete in a short time period. Well, the idea is that you get yourself involved in activities which require you to see time as very “limited”.

Spending time in an enjoyable way. Does it feel like time’s going too fast when
you have a short ‘one week holiday’ from school/work? Or do you feel like weekends pass too fast? And you have to get back to work or to school too soon? So, the point here is that doing anything that means escaping something unpleasant from your life and doing something pleasant instead will make time feel like passing MUCH faster than normal.

Dividing time into small intervals. One great thing that you can do is to divide a longer period of time into smaller intervals so that you focus your mind and patience on the next upcoming event rather than on the entire long period that you have to wait until you see your partner again. These could be events like a birthday (yours or hers), receiving a package that she sent you, getting a letter from her, getting a job application answer, passing an exam successfully, graduating, having a holiday etc.

To find out the other 3 ways of making time fly faster check out the full article: How To Make Time Pass Faster

4. Getting her naughty

We humans are sexual beings – we use sex for reproduction; we use it for pleasure, for fun, for expressing our feelings, for health and so on. But when we’re in a long distance relationship, all of a sudden sex is a big problem.

So, how can we enjoy a satisfying sexual life while being apart? How can we get our partner naughty and ready to ‘play’ with us on the webcam? It really isn’t that hard to get her naughty but there are a few things that you need to know.

First of all you want to be comfortable with your sexuality. You want to be able to talk about sex with no restraint and be open-minded about doing crazy sexy stuff. You need to know that women love sex (even more than we men do) and that they are ready to “open-up” given the right circumstances. And the most important piece of the puzzle in creating the right circumstances is that she enjoys the process of “being naughty for you”.

The problem is: online sex is not as satisfying for women as is may be for men; as a result women are not very enthusiastic about it. So, you must make her feel good about it, give her sincere compliments, talk a little dirty to her, make her feel like she’s the most special and the sexiest woman in the world.

If you do that, she’ll be happy to show you her perfect breasts or anything else, any time you want to see them. For a MUCH more detailed method of how to wake up her naughtiness check out the full article: How To Get Your Girlfriend “Naughty”

17 Ways To Prevent Cheating

Make Her Faithfulness INEVITABLE!

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 5. Boring Conversations

While talking is generally the only thing that we can do online with our partner, at some point we drain out all the conversational topics and as a result awkward silences start to kick in, or the conversations become more and more predictable and boring. Now, even though this is a very common issue, it can be easily solved if taking some time to spice things up.  In my view…

Boredom Is A Choice…and Only Boring People Get Bored!

So how can we make conversations more interesting?

Expand the topics. You ask her what she did today, and she tells you for example that she did many things. And then you take them one by one and comment on them and ask her expanding questions about each one.

Make her curious. Curiosity makes conversations more intense, therefore you want to speak in a way that gets her eager to find out more and begs you for it. You can tell her a story and then change the subject in the middle of the story; or refuse to answer one of her questions unless she fulfills one of your requests etc.

Make conversations more interactive. Do stuff while talking on Skype, high-five her virtually when she tells you something cool, show her something interesting, play a game, ask her to do something for you right now etc.

Teach her something. I bet you know a lot of cool stuff, why not teach her something that you’re passionate about? Share with her interesting stuff that you learned that day, tell her about your expertise in a specific area.

Use questions for couples. Search the internet for “questions for couples” and you’ll find hundreds of interesting questions to ask each other and make conversations more fun.

Be humorous. Making a girl laugh is the best aphrodisiac. So be funny by telling her funny stories, jokes, make fun of yourself (careful with this), make funny comments about people/stuff etc.

6. Uncertainty About The Future Our Future

It’s hard to fight for something that seems to go nowhere, and it’s very often that long distance relationships seem to lead nowhere. My current 2 years relationship did not have a “closing the distance plan” until a few months ago.

For 1.5 years we “loved each other” from afar without having an idea of when and how the distance would close.

Right now, we plan on closing the distance a year from now, moving together to Scotland, but it’s also indefinite. [update: we closed the distance recently after 2.5 years of long distance dating, and now live in Denmark.]

So how do we keep fighting for our love even without seeing a bright future together? Where do we get the motivation for it?

My answer to this question is simple: A car driver when driving in the night does not need to see the whole road from point A to point B entirely, in order to get to his destination. He just needs to see the next 100 meters lighten by the front lights.

In a long distance relationship it’s ideal if you know when you’ll get back together. But if you don’t know it yet, it doesn’t mean that you have to be discouraged and give up. Your “destination” is closing the distance, and “the next 100 meters” is the next time you meet again.

That’s it. Knowing that you love each other and you want to eventually close the distance (and always looking for that opportunity) is the first thing, and the second important thing is being guided by the “next visit”. You can go like that for years, until one day an opportunity to close the distance will arise. I

know I did, and I know thousands of successful couples did that too and still do it every day. And here’s how to take this thing to the next level: Have fun stuff to look forward to!

Figure out some exciting stuff that you want to do together next time you meet, like: going to a trip together, having sex 6 times a day for 2 days, going to a special event together, going to a special restaurant to have dinner etc. so that you really look forward to your next visit.

And the next thing is to make your visits truly memorable so that they remind you later of how amazing you can be together and motivate you to fight for your love, even while confused about the future.

7. Lack Of Attraction long distance relationship attraction

Believe it or not, but attraction is a very predictable emotion. We humans can make other people more attracted to us at will, as long as we know and also UNDERSTAND the attraction “buttons”.

There are basically 7 attraction buttons that I found to be the most powerful ways to get & keep a girl attracted. And these attraction buttons are the following:

1)    The Possessiveness Button. Women just like men, are possessive beings, and being able to wake up her possessiveness in the right way, and get her feeling a little insecure about losing you is one the fastest ways to get a girl attracted.

2)   The Challenge Button. This is one of the most confusing ways to get a woman attracted. In just a few words it means keeping her on her toes, and playing with her ego. (click here for more details)

3)    The Excitement Button. Excitement is all about fun, therefore making your relationship entertaining for you and for her is the sure way of pushing the excitement button.

4)    The Dominance Button. Women want to be in a relationship with a masculine man. Now, masculinity can be defined in different ways but to give you a little hint: it’s all about initiative!

5)    The Attention Button. Attention from men is food for a woman’s ego. If you’re able to give her just enough attention so that she wants more of it then you’ll be her “prince charming”.

6)    The Intrigue Button. Creating intrigue is playing with a woman’s mind, and making her eager to find resolution to the confusion that also you created.

7)    The Laughter Button. Making a woman laugh is one of the best ways to conquer her hearth, her mind and her body. So, if you are aware of these seven buttons, you understand how they work and you learn how to press them correctly, then getting your girlfriend madly attracted to you will be a children’s play.

Borderless Attraction Guide

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 8. Too Much Clubbing

I keep hearing the same question from guys over and over again: Is it okay if their girlfriends like to go out clubbing very often? That’s why I sat down one Sunday and wrote an article about clubbing, expressing my opinion on the matter once for all.

Here’s the article: What If She Likes Clubbing?

But if I were to sum up my stand on this matter, I’d tell you the following: Long distance relationships and clubs are not a great match.

You see, we humans – we are attention seeking beings because we love validation and appreciation from others. And women especially love attention from men and they hit the clubs mostly to get a lot of romantic attention from guys.

Most of the women that are in serious relationships DON’T go to clubs to meet guys, they don’t go there to find easy sex, to get drunk or take drugs. They just go there to have fun, to dance, hang out with their friends and receive attention from men.

And that’s totally fine right? Well, actually not.

The problem that I have with clubs and parties is that there is too much temptation going around.  And by temptation I mean horny guys going around trying to chat them up, dance with them, buy them drinks and hit on them; other people making out all over the place; their single girl-friends hooking up with guys and so on.

So, even though your girlfriend is going out to just have some ‘normal’ fun, the temptation is all around her, and the fact that she has to force herself to resist it, is already not a good thing.

Moreover giving the fact that there’s also alcohol involved, dim light, loud music and even drugs, the chance of her being influenced by the club culture of being “slutty” is even bigger.

So, why would you be okay with your girlfriend putting herself constantly in such a situation where she has to chose and force herself to stay “faithful”?

The solution to this issue that I found is to agree on a few “clubbing rules”, which among others include not going out very often; when going out having some pre-discussed limitations, and then being totally transparent the next day about how the night has been.

But, I recommend you to read the entire article, to get the full understanding of why clubbing is harmful and how to deal with it without appearing too jealous or controlling.

17 Ways To Prevent Cheating

Make Her Faithfulness INEVITABLE!

Click Here
9.  Being Disrespected By Your Girlfriend

The issue of respect in a relationship comes up a lot, and that’s because mutual respect really is an important ingredient for a happy romantic relationship.

We men, we need to be taken seriously, we need to be listened to, we need to be followed, satisfied and appreciated. And when we’re not…guess what? We feel disrespected.

I personally feel disrespected when I am lied to, refused, interrupted, not taken seriously, ignored, cursed, made intentionally jealous, promised something and not delivered and so on.

All of these, when done by the girl I love, make me feel disrespected, and they’d probably make you feel disrespected too. Now, the reality is that even some of the most loving and caring women could sometimes say or do something than could offend us.

And that’s because they behave in the way they 1) are used to, 2) feel like in a specific moment, 3) or what to test our reactions. But no matter what their reason for second class behavior is, it is not a beneficial factor for your relationship to accept it.

You as a man need to set some boundaries and not accept second class behavior from your love partner. Why? I have two simple reasons for you: 1) because you lose her respect and also her attraction along the way. 2) Because you indirectly encourage her to continue disrespecting you, and thus create more pain and suffering in your relationship.

And both of these reasons unavoidably lead to painful breakups.

So what do you do?

My best piece of practical (and no theoretical bullshit) advice for you is to point out any and all situations where she behaves in a unacceptable way and let her know that you don’t approve of her behaving in such a way. As simple as that.

As the saying goes “you have to teach others how to behave with you”, and that’s exactly what you have to do in a relationship too – educate her to behave in a way that makes you feel happy and satisfied, rather than accepting behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable and frustrated.

And that’s what she should do too, she should let you know any time she does not like something in your behavior. This way you’ll both know each other’s boundaries and you’ll make sure to respect them.

However, there are a lot of exceptions and subtleties to this general rule, and I carefully talk about them in my “3 Deadly Mistake Men Must Avoid In A Long Distance Relationship which I insist that you read because it really is an eye-opening book, as many of my readers have reported to me already, plus it’s totally free when you sign up for my newsletter.

Moreover, because we are not robots, but human beings, changing our behavior does not normally happen in an instant, and only setting your boundaries might not always lead to her becoming a 100 percent respectful girl from there on.

She might continue to disrespect you intentionally or unintentionally again, and that’s when the hard part starts. From my experience there are 6 simple ways to get her to respect you more, when simply setting boundaries does not work, and I explain you these 6 ways in the “How To Cure Her Bad Girl Habits” report that you’ll be able to download when you join our community by signing up for our newsletter.

 10.  Fear of Infidelity

And I saved the best for the last. “I am afraid that she’ll fall for someone else!”  Or “I am afraid that she’ll cheat on me, and I can’t control it!”

That’s what I hear your “little inner voice” screaming in your head any time you feel a bit insecure.

And you’re not alone. Plus it’s totally normal to feel this way when you’re far away from your girlfriend. (by the way she probably feels the same too) Now how do we deal with the fear of infidelity and how do we make sure to keep her faithful? (million dollar question)

Well from my experience, keeping a woman faithful comes down to two basic principles: “freedom of choice” and “minimizing temptation”. What do they mean?

Freedom of choice.

People tend to like doing what they are told NOT to.

What Freedom of Choice means is that you never force your girl to stay faithful, just the opposite, you give her the freedom to cheat if she feels like it, if she thinks that this what she wants.

But only as long as she takes responsibility for her actions and for the fact that your relationship will end after that. This is a powerful way of dealing with the infidelity issue, because it puts the choice in her hands.

It gives her the freedom to do that she wants, and does not force her to behave in a specific way.

It’s not you who keeps her from dating, sleeping with other guys, its herself that decides not to do it, because she wants to be with you.

But I recommend that you read the full article about this issue in order to get all the details about how to use this principle: How To Keep Your Woman Faithful

Minimizing Temptation.

This means creating all the conditions so that infidelity would be very unlikely to happen. Would you be more likely to eat a hamburger if you were hungry and the hamburger was in front of you? Or if you had no hamburger what so ever around?

So, you want to make sure that your girlfriend avoids as much as possible putting herself in situations that could potentially lead to infidelity and/or basically creating all the conditions for infidelity NOT to happen.

        • Regular Communication and Transparency. Meaning that you communicate more than once a day and  both of you are aware of what the other partner is doing at any time. This does not mean being controlling, it just means being a part of each other’s lives and thus keeping in touch and sharing with each other what you’re doing during the day.

 

 

        • Relationship Status on Facebook. People talk. And the risk of someone that knows her telling you about her being unfaithful will stop her from even thinking about infidelity, at least in her social circle. Plus, most guys when seeing that she’s in a relationship won’t hit on her.

 

17 Ways To Prevent Cheating

Make Her Faithfulness INEVITABLE!

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So, that’s my 2 cents on long distance relationship problems. Leave me a comment below and DO let me know what you are your thoughts on this article and also let me know if there’s any other problem that you might have in your long distance relationship, and I’ll make sure to address them in future articles.

Also if you know anyone who can benefit from reading it…pass it on. I really hope that you share it with the world, as you might contribute to the success of another long distance relationship.

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About Besski Livius

Long distance romance coach, author, speaker and dedicated lover. In other words a passionate young man with one vision: “To change the common and mistaken belief that long distance relationships don’t work, and give people all the knowledge they need to make their long distance relationships work EASILY!” The advice he shares on this blog comes from 7 years of LDR experience, 4 years of studying the topic of seduction and relationships and 1 year of long distance relationship research.

Comments

  1. Awesome article man! It took me ten minutes to read it all the way, but it was worth it! You must be really experience in this field…All the stuff that you talk about here make a lot of sense! Especially these attraction buttons, I wanna know more about them….!

    I must say that jealousy is what kills me most…it’s so damn hard to control it and sometimes I can’t help but become needy. And yeah, I’ll try to be more natural about it…or reasonable as you say.

    Keep it up!

  2. Chrys says:

    Good article, very well organized!

  3. You pretty much mentioned all of the frustrations that I have too….can’t really think of anything else. But the biggest thing for me is the “conversations” part….It really becomes a challenge making them fun and interesting….But you have some really nice tips in this article and I’ll have to try them!

    Thnaks a lot for such a detailed article!

  4. I’ve been looking for some practical advice around internet lately and your website is by far the best source of information that I’ve seen.

    You really dig into specific problems, compared to all the other blogs talking about general stuff. I love your ideas and your writing….it’s also fun to read.
    Respect!

  5. sportys says:

    Dude, your ideas apply so much to normal relationships too, not just long distance ones. I don’t have a long distance relationship…but I find myself reading all your articles…Very good job so far!

    • It’s nice to hear that! And of course most the ideas apply to classic relationships too, and that’s because some of the challenges are common. For example jealousy, infidelity, disrespect, fight and arguments…these are equally present also in classic relationships.

      So, good luck with your relationships and enjoy the articles!

  6. Jenny says:

    If a girl goes out to clubs it doesn’t mean that she’ll necessarily become slutty. I love going out to party even though I love my boyfriend too, and I never cheat on him. I think it depends on the personality of a girl very much.

  7. Filip says:

    Very nice article, i would actually use your advice like 3 months ago if i could ;)

  8. lordy says:

    Sorry but jealousy is not a natural emotion. It’s a normal emotion but not a natural one. I suggest you read the book Sex 3.0 for a good insight into this

    • Thanks Lordy, I’ll make sure to read this book that you pointed out. Even though there is a lot of “theoretical” bs around on what jealousy is and how it should be handled, I haven’t found yet any reasonable, real life advice to deal with this issue…other than simply expressing your jealousy in a healthy manner and avoiding the two extremes of being ignorant or needy. As simple as that,

  9. Tess says:

    As a woman, I just wanted to say that just because a girl likes to go dancing with her girlfriends once in a while does NOT mean she will be facing temptation. Seriously, guys in clubs are disgusting. I have not once been tempted to cheat on any boyfriend when I go out dancing with my girls. In fact, my friends and I actively avoid men at clubs. They’re just not the kind of guys you want to touch. Dancing with the girls is just an excuse to get dressed up, blow off steam, and have a great night with friends. Guys have no reason not to trust their girlfriend if she’s going dancing with her friends unless they don’t trust their girlfriend at all in the first place. If a girl is going to cheat (which should never happen, cheating is awful), it would be with the coworker or classmate who gives her attention, not a random guy from a club. Ew. Just giving a bit of insight from a girl’s perspective.

    Other than that, great advice.

    • Well said Tess! Thanks for your insight! A few things to clarity though.
      1. The problem with clubbing arises when a girl goes out on a regular basis, and not when she does it occasionally.
      2. Not all guys are disgusting, just like not all girls who go out clubbing are disgusting.
      3. This is your subjective view on the issue, and may not apply to other girls.

      But overall, I totally agree that most cheating happens with coworkers or classmates, who build a connection with the girl over time, and very rarely it happens overnight. (i.e. one night stands)

    • Another Tess says:

      I agree with Tess.. If you don’t trust your girlfriend, then you won’t trust her in any situation. If you do trust her, it wouldn’t be an issue that she wants to go clubbing with her friends.
      Making all of these “rules” and “limitations” would suffocate a girl and it doesn’t sound like a very healthy way of dealing with a long distance relationship! I think that sort of thing would encourage some girls to back off a bit. If it was the sort of relationship where you needed to worry about that kind of thing, I expect that kind of kind of girl would withdraw from the guy and start hiding things! You need to be careful with the way you approach it. This sort of a situation may be tempting for some girls, but please don’t think that we are all the same.

  10. Jonathan says:

    Great article! I loved how it is structured and defined. I am in a long distance relationship and i would like to ask you if it is wrong to keep up with each other’s daily life in details, like informing the partner about waking up on the spot, leaving home and returning home on the spot, eating and further detailed things.. Do you believe it is a controlled reporting that disturbs the relationship? My partner felt the stress of reporting although I have never put pressure on her to do that, and I have never expressed the desire to control her. However, I do like this detail of free reporting because I feel it gets the relationship fresh, vivid and worthy. I like it that i feel I share the moment with her in almost everything throughout the day. Thanks!

    • I think that it is totally fine as long as both of you feel comfortable with it. As a general rule, however, I don’t think that it’s a great idea expecting her to let you know anytime she wakes up, or goes out the door, or comes back home, as it can really be overwhelming for her. We all have a predefined routine during the day, and I don’t think it’s necessary to constantly report on all the common activities she usually does (like waking up, leaving home, returning home, going to school/work etc.) I do think though, that it is important to report on some special activities that she may be doing…out of her normal routine – just to keep each other posted, even though that is not a must either.

      Also, one thing to do instead of expecting her to report all the time, would be when talking to her on Skype, to ask her about her plans for the rest of the day, this way being up to date with what she’s going to be doing.

      Hope that helps,

  11. dozer says:

    Seems like quite sound advice so far.
    Any suggestions on how to manage time differences across continents?

  12. jennifer says:

    This article is an eye opener to me, believe me, i learnt alot from it. my biggest challenge now is that, since i met him, he always complains that he doesnt know how to treat ladies, most tyms am always the one to start a conversation and that hurts my pride.

  13. Kate says:

    I have the opposite problem! I can’t seem to get my guy in the mood anymore. We live about 2 hrs away and try to see each other everyother weekend. The past 2 months it kind of feels like he’s friendzoning me, he never really wants to do anything intimate and always gives me an excuse to not to when I try to initiate (as in “I ate too much” or “I’m too tired” or “I’m too stressed”) which in moderation I understand! But its everytime and I’m frustrated so I try to not be so pushy and want to be intimate but that comes off as being a cold-shoulder when I don’t mean it like that. We have talked about it and he says he’s too stressed, but he still loves me and thinks that I’m beautiful, etc. But it just feels like we’re friends…..

  14. John Miller says:

    I really love and appreciate this article and it has helped open my eyes in a lot of ways. My biggest fear is something that’s already happening and that’s the fact that she seems to be falling out of love with me. The only way we can really communicate is my fb which I hate so much because conversations are non-affectionate and repetitive and we’ve come so close to giving up on each other. I don’t know how much further I can go. She means everything to me but I’m afraid she doesn’t feel the same way anymore. I am definitely going to try some of the methods you have on here and see how they work from there. The lost of affection that she’s expressed she is feeling is just too much to bear at times. Thank you so much for this article.

  15. Lisa says:

    thanks soo much for the article.it makes a lot of sense! Wow especialy i read it after experiencing frustrations in my long distance relationship.my question for you or ho i find my guy is that he doesnt communicate.no email,no sms furthermore he says he fears me that am manipulative this is coz am oversees he is in africa,any idea of ho i can deal with it?

  16. Nikki says:

    This was amazing.. I’m in a relationship and we wanted to know more about Skype sex and found so much more help in this website. My boyfriend and I both read it and I know it’s not intended for women although I do find it helpful to me.
    So my question is, do you have any advice for LDR couples who also have culture barriers? For example I live in America and he lives in Japan. Any tips are great! Thanks!!

  17. Nikki Samano says:

    I love all your articles and even got the book, there is too much helpful information to pass up and I am totally dedicated to wanting my LDR to last. however, I am with Dozer….I would love some advice on LDR who have culture barriers. For example, I live in America and he lives in Japan. Any tips and advice would help so much. My concern for and what I would love some tips and advice for is the horrible 16 hour time difference and culture shock differences and how we can deal with these. Any long distance relationship advice for different continents relationships would be helpful at this point.
    Thank you so much! And now back to reading! :D

  18. Joseph says:

    Wow, thanks man! I just started an LDR with my girlfriend who went away to Kentucky for college from California and this addressed every problem I foresaw. I plan on using this as my LDR bible, awesome job.

  19. Its really difficult to maintain a relationship which lasts forever.

    Though, I have seen so many girls and guys that were in a relationship from 5-6 years and get married at last..

    But, double of those don’t feel any attraction and broke up with each other. Its all dependent upon you whether you’re serious, caring, attractive and most importantly UNDERSTANDING. :)

    All these things matter a lot if you really love your girlfriend or boyfriend truly or not..

  20. Mhyc says:

    Wow took me a little longer to read your article. Just reading the title made me curious and got interested to it.anyways, thank you for the advice. I am in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years now.I still love him and i never change. We had ups and downs like the other couples do and almost end our relationship. I got jealous more and more after all the mistakes he committed in the past.Almost the same mistakes. I am trying to trust him again but i don’t know why every time his phone or Skype is off i became paranoid, worried:( . Do you guys think i am just obsessed over him?
    .

  21. Sachin singh Tanwar says:

    Superb man, I am glad that I got these tips from you …. really it feels good after reading this. I am also worried bout my future even my girlfriend too .. but now I can proudly say that I am gonna make her proud and will make our love more happy.
    Thanks man
    It really works

  22. jyotighosh32@yahoo.com says:

    Rules are not applicable in the case of love. There is only one rule staying commited to each other. Commitment leads to responsibility. I am in a long distance relationship too & I just relax. If it is meant to happen it will & if its not no matter what rules are followed it wont. The thumb rule is taking responsibility in not doing something which creates confusion & patience & trust.

  23. Lucy says:

    This was a fantastic article choc full of ideas and what to do for a variety of issues…thank you! I am in my first long distance relationship with a man for whom this is long distance relationship #2. We have recently come across a roadblock in continuing our relationship – he wants to have the freedom to hook up with other women if he encounters a situation where that is an option. Aka he doesn’t want to have to avoid those tempting situations, rather take up the temptation if he sees it because he wants that freedom. I unwittingly followed what you said to tell a significant other you want to remain faithful – give them the freedom and choice to do so, but let them know that it would mean the end and/or the devolving of the relationship. I left it up to him. I wish I was okay with it, but I know that I am not. He wishes he didn’t want to have sex with other women but he does feel that desire since I am not there to fulfill his needs.
    Am I stifling him and/or disrespecting his wants and needs for asking him not to have sex with other women?
    We still want to work this out and we still care about each other SO much. Is it possible to save what we have and reach a compromise?

  24. Omid says:

    Thanks man, you saved my relationship, she was losing attraction because I was being boaring and predictable. Your tips helps me a lot :) keep up the great work.
    im just too scared of Losing her because I’m deeply in love with her but I don’t feel like she feels the same way towards me. She had a unsuccessful relationship before and she is still really hurt(this is her first time having long distance relationship, same as me) she told me she likes me a lot but the reason she don’t wanna show her feelings to me is because she is till hurt and needs to sort her feelings out and that takes sometime. So I’m not sure if she loves me or not but I’m trying to keep her intrested.we haven’t meet yet but we have been together for 1 and a half year.we met in a online game and we r still communicating by that game, her parents doesn’t know about me and my parents doesn’t know about her but I’m planning to tell my parents about we but I’ll wait until I’m sure se loves me. So yea that’s a short plot summery of my love life, could you please help me with this relationship? What do I need to do except keeping her happy and intrested? By the way I’m 17 and the girl is 18 she is few months older than me, I live in uk and she is in US. Please help me!

  25. faizan says:

    After reading all articles i m little confused, sometimes u said don’t pay much attention to ur gf, ignore her ph calls few times, dont say i love you, and in another article u say call her more than once a day share her what u doing in day nd night .. u confused me what to do

    • Hey Faizan,

      Here’s the thing. Most of us guys when we fall in love we tend to become needy, and we suffocate our girlfriends with attention (ex: phone calls) and affection (ex: a lot of I love yous), which then makes them take us for granted and lose attraction for us. It’s just human nature, we stop being a challenge and our girlfriends lose attraction for us.

      Now in order to prevent our girlfriends from losing attraction for us we want to keep the “challenge” element alive, and you could do that in many ways, a few simple examples would be missing a phone call from time to time, waiting a few minutes before answering a text from time to time, not telling her “I love you baby!” every single day or 5 times a day and so on. BUT HERE IS THE KEY…you only have to do that 20% of the time, so not all the time but just from time to time, while the other 80% of the time you want to be a LOVING and CARING boyfriend.

      This is why it got confusing for you, because you have to do both of them in a certain proportion. You build attraction (challenge) 20% of the time to keep her on her toes, and you build attachment 80% of the time to satisfy her and make her feel loved and cared for. And once you make her happy 80% of the time, then when you take away some of your attention and affection, that only stimulates her to want more, and so it makes her attracted to you, and it motivates her to invest more in the relationship.

      The biggest problem with the usual relationship advice is that it tells you to ONLY build Attachment (be a loving and caring boyfriend) and it ignore the Attraction side of love (being challenging too), and so what happens is that people get bored of each other, take each other for granted, and look for CHALLENGE elsewhere…dating other people. And human beings need challenge to be interested in something, be it a job, a game, a love partner or anything else in life. (Read the book FLOW by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi to get info about challenge)

      That’s why the formula for love is 80% Attachment + 20% Attraction = Love. You want to satisfy and also challenge. Satisfaction makes her happy, while challenge makes her want more.

      I suggest that you read this article, for a more comprehensive explanation of the 80/20 principle of love: http://www.long-distance-lover.com/re-defining-love/

  26. Cid Stionadi says:

    My guy and I just had a big fight over our LDR status. In my frustration, I googled articles about LDR and came across this site. I’m a woman but I really find your insights true and very helpful. Just what I need at the moment. Thank you so much! I love my boyfriend a lot and I want things to work out between us. We are actually already engaged but just like any normal relationship, we struggle over the many challenges. But we are determined to work things out. Thanks again for the help. I’ve recommended your site to him.

  27. Love this article, but I have to strongly disagree with what you said about most guys not hitting on a girl if they know she is in a relationship. I wish that was the case! I am a girl and have used the “I have a boyfriend” excuse many times when single to let men down gently, and although it sometimes works, it doesn’t work enough of the time.

  28. Marlen says:

    This article contained the highest numbers of generalisations and gender stereotypes I’ve seen in a long time… I’m glad you’re trying to help people improve their relationships, but please don’t impose your ideas of what ‘women want’ and what ‘men want’ on all men and women, just because they are true in your relationship.

  29. jonna uy says:

    I am in currently in a long distance relationship right now and its really hard.I feel that my boyfriend is cheatin’ on me, but he keep sayin’ that he is not. I dont want to lose him but its doing my head in a lot. really frustrating.

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