This is a hands on and spirit up article, talking about dealing with one of the top long distance relationship problems – uncertainty and insecurity about the future of the relationship.
It’s hard to fight for something that seems to go nowhere, and it’s very often that long distance relationships seem to go nowhere.
It’s ideal if you know when you’ll get back together, but if you don’t know it yet, it doesn’t mean that you have to be discouraged and give up.
So, let’s see how we can deal with this pressing issue in a MATURE and Down-To-Earth way. Make sure to read the entire article carefully, because I don’t want you to lose any of the good points that I’ve tried to make in it.
The Hands On Part
2. Ask yourself and your partner – “Can we handle this latest case scenario?” Here you have to be optimistic.
3. If you decide that you can handle it, then simply accept the situation. And from that point of “okay, I am fine dealing with a LDR for 3 years”, do everything in your power to shorten this period as much a you can!
So, first you want to accept the fact that you can deal with the worst case scenario, and then from a place of acceptance, where you have nothing to lose, you try to look for any possibility to close the distance sooner, thus move away from the latest case scenario.
If you find a solution – amazing! if you don’t you still have nothing to lose, because you’ve accepted the worst case scenario already.
4. Find ways to shorten the worst case scenario. Any time you have the opportunity – visit her. Include her in your future plans. Any time you feel there could be a chance to finally close the distance sooner – think about it and analyze it.
To close the distance you have 3 options:
1) You moving to her.
2) Her moving to you.
3) Both moving to a third location.
Analyze all the three possibilities. Talk to your partner and put on a balance all the possible situations and see which one works better for both of your circumstances. Agree on a compromise eventually.
Because if you’re looking for a solution, then you’ll find one eventually, usually much sooner than your worst case scenario…but stop worrying about it first, and cross it from your long distance relationship problems list.
The Spirit Up Part
Start your long distance relationship journey with a curiosity attitude “Let’s see if we can manage, I sincerely hope we can.” instead of a fearful attitude of “I am afraid we’ll not be able to handle it for so long”.
This way both of you would come from a place of Maturity and Calmness…from a place of pure desire to make it work…compared to the traditional approach of coming from a place of fear, doubts and insecurity.
When you take the attitude of curiosity, the game completely changes. Now you start to see your long distance relationship as a real relationship, and not as that “intermediary pain in the ass”. Now, you are curious of how things will turn out in the future, and what amazing opportunity you will have to finally close the distance.
Now you are excited, enthusiastic and eager to find out what the future holds for you, and you fight along with your partner to discover it. Distance is not an enemy for your love.
I have previously said that Time is the real enemy in a LDR, but if we think it over, there is no enemy at all, it’s just a circumstance for your love. And the best way to deal with this circumstance is by embracing it, rather than feeling miserable “for not being close to her RIGHT NOW!”
We humans need to love, besides all the other needs that we have, we need to love and be loved. And pay attention here: In long distance relationships the need for love is satisfied. Yes, we’re not physically close, but we still love and are being loved – and that’s what really matters.
You see, classic relationships are easy, but only strong people like you, can manage to have a long distance relationship and also enjoy it; and believe me that the rewards are worthwhile.
Now you know your partner inside out, you had hundreds if not thousands of hours to talk to each other (something that in a classic relationship might take twice as much if not more time, to discover the same things that you discovered while constantly talking to your partner). When the only thing you can do in a relationship is simply talk, and talk a lot, you get to develop your communication skills to perfection.
Just like a blind man that cannot use his sight, he develops his hearing to the fullest potential. Well, if you cannot cuddle and have sex, you develop your communication skills to the fullest potential.
From what I observed in the last few years, I have a tendency to think that couples that go trough and survive a long distance relationship, have a bigger probability of having a happy relationship afterwards.
And that’s because they learn how to effectively communicate with each other, solving all their long distance relationship problems trough communication – a fundamental ability that most classic relationships never get to develop.
After you’ve invested so much of your time, energy and emotions in a long distance relationship, both of you will value your relationship significantly more than you’d do if you simply had a classic relationship.
It’s well known from psychology, that we humans value a lot more the things that we’ve worked for, than the things that were given us without much effort. Well, dealing with all the long distance relationship problems, surviving it and also making it enjoyable requires a lot of effort, but believe me when I say it – it’s worth any second of it.
I dare you to look at the bright parts of a long distance relationship!
I know that while reading this article you might be having this imaginary dark curtain in front of your eyes trough which you look at your situation…so if you do – take it off, because it’s not as bad as you may tend to think.
There’s so many reasons why LDR’s are cool too. Just to mention one, think about the fact that you can really be different. You can have trips together, you can visit each other, you can meet at a middle location somewhere beautiful. A place where you can have the fun of your life.
You get to become much more creative and develop a much more profound relationship with your partner than any other classic couples would wish to have.
Use the time when being apart to evolve yourself, use it to be productive because when you’ll close the distance you’ll have to forget about productivity for a while. So don’t just waist this time whining about “I wish you were here”, but actually use this time to do some work, read some books, study etc.
And I know that you’ll encounter problems, like any other couples do; I know that you’ll feel some jealousy from time to time, I know that you’ll argue sometimes, you’ll miss her, you’ll have some mundane and sometimes boring conversations, you’ll get angry at Skype for failing so often, but it’s all part of loving and being loved, in our case – from distance.
Plus, I am here writing these articles for you, and giving you the best ideas and the wisdom that has guided me in these 7 years of long distance relationships, because I truly want you to succeed, and I know that I can give you only the best ideas that can help you make a difference in your relationship and make it work. Just don’t be ignorant about your education.
Uncertainty about the future ….what is that? (Rhetorical question) That’s just another challenge that you need to overcome to make your relationship 10 times stronger…and now you have the tools and the inspiration.
So, let’s take the journey of a long distance relationship together, full of curiosity and belief and far away from the stress of uncertainty about the future!
- Start from a place of accepting the worst case scenario, and then do what you can to make it better.
- Treat your relationship as a REAL relationship and NOT as a “intermediary pain in the ass”.
- Replace your FEAR with CURIOSITY. And fight the distance from a place of maturity and calmness.
- Your need for loving and being loved is being satisfied – even from distance!
- Long distance relationships are for strong people. And the rewards are worthwhile.
- Look at the bright part of your LDR. Trips, communication, creativity and more, make you develop a very unique and strong relationship.
- Use the time while apart to be productive.
- You’ll still have issues, because Love Is Not Enough – that’s why I am here to help and guide you to closing your distance and making this process less painful.
Related Article: The Future Of The Relationship?
With love and respect – Besski Livius
Picture. Courtesy of Boetter